Nightmare From Helll

I was suicidal and decided to end it all. Why? Anxiety depression and family. I thought I had everything under control, but turns out switching schools and having someone push me so far I snapped. I had enough of life enough of pain just enough. Adults hadn't even experienced what I had in my 13 years. I'm 14 now and glad to say this has all ended, but I have a terrible fear of psychiatric hospitals. Why? You couldn't wear your own clothes, have items to comfort you, or even have religious things. I swear I never wanted to die so badly once I got there. That experience has traumatized me. I walked in, hoping to see that these people were kind and such that wasn't the case to begin with. These people were monsters. The psychiatrists there put words into my mouth, almost forced me to go with out medicine, made a biased statement, and they all treated me like a piece of garbage. I didn't once want to participate in any of their activities except when it involved actual talking about issues. We almost never discussed that though. I winded up getting an infection there, I won't tell you what it was. The doctor there almost had to look where I was infected. I wanted nothing more than to cry. If anything that place was a torture chamber. The night staff were loud and noisy, it was basically IMPOSSIBLE to sleep. You had people walking in the room checking to see if your still there like did I break glass and run away? No? Okay then don't check. You may as well just have someone sit there watching you all night. The psychiatric hospital had me drugged up every day I was there. I took adivan same class as klonopin which I tried o.ding on. I had an anxiety attack the morning they have me food. I was suffering from anorexia and couldn't eat in front of others because I felt like I would be judged. No one understood this though and I winded going up to their safety room. I hated it there. Literally. I will honestly never step into a psychiatric hospital again. The people were rude made you feel guilty and were terrible. Now looking back on this I knew at the time I thought they helped me and I was fixed. Nope, not even. They terrified me to my core that I had convinced myself these people helped others. I'm not saying all psychiatric hospitals are like this, but it gave me the impression that it was. The saddest story ever? This girl was a schizo-typo and her parents put her up for adoption. Left her. That's what some parents do and I wanted to bawl my eyes out further. How could parents DO THAT TO THEIR OWN BLOOD? I wish those people never reproduced. Anyways the place was terrible.. They wanted to keep me for over a month. I prayed every day to God that he would help me and he did.. Ever hear that sound You found me by the fray? Lets use that as the theme song because I found God at my worst point and he helped me through. I will never be able to thank him enough for making my insurance company say no to keeping me there longer. The psychiatrist there wanted me to say I was actually still suicidal, I felt like they were the crazy ones. Why would you want me to lie to allow you to keep me here longer? No. Didn't happen wasn't doing that. Those five days were the most horrible days of my life. Thank you God for getting me out of there.. I will never know why he did it because I was terrible to him in my opinion. But he still showed how loving he could be and allowed me to leave. I mean it when I say God was my savior and he ended my nightmare. For that, I will forever thank him. If someone ever brings me to a hospital now I want to cry my eyes out if we pass the psychiatric unit. I have anxiety attacks every time I pass that unit. So now I'm avoiding psychiatric hospitals.
LalaLovesMusic101 LalaLovesMusic101
13-15, F
Jan 12, 2013