Being A Suicidal Teen

When i was young, i'm talking 12-15 i went though what i would call teenage hell. I was raised in a very strict religious home. We didn't have a lot of money so i did not get new clothes, was not aloud to choose my clothing and yea.. i was set up for failiur with my clothing. I was very different than everyone else and therefore only had 1 or two friends. When i was 12 i was slipping into a depression and would come home crying from school most days and tried to find ways to avoid it. WHen i started high school everything was worse. I was lost.(every thing helps too when you deside not to be christian and your own mother tells you that you will burn in hell crying while saying it) I started seeing a councillor adn started my destructive path. I started eating everything in sight, at the dinner table i would eat until there was nothing left, i would try and sleep my days away. when i was 13 i scratched myself for the first time. I took a steak knife and sawed my wrist. MY councillor wanted me to go to a place called ledger house. I would call it a mental hospital for kids and youth. I lived there for 2 months. rubber bed,plastic covred pillow, sheets without elastic, the person checking in on you every 1/2 hour intensive therepy the whole shebang. I got out and got worse. I started cutting myself more and more and became dellusioned you could say, in my mind i believed truley that if i did not die before i reached the age 14 that the spiderweb effects of my life in the world would consequently bring the destruction of the world in the future. I spent my 14th birthday in the hospital with a security guard watching my 24/7. After that I went into a foster home for a short term. When i went home again the first day my parents were out i went and purchased i bottle of the strongest tylenol i could find. That night i took the whole bottle in hopes that i would not wake the next morning. I spent the next morning vomiting instead. My parents found out what i did via the internet. They said they were taking me to the hospital or the cops would be. I went back to the hospital and spent the next 3 days attached to an i.v. they put me back up on the "4th" floor as we call it. I spent my entire summer there. After the summer they sent me back to the place called ledger house in another unit with older teens who varied from being drug addicted,mutilists,bulimics,anorexics,manic depressed etc. i spent another month there before returning home again. I started smoking pot....spent another stint in the hospital for being to wacko around my parents. I desided to stop taking all medications that i was on and that is when everything got better. One day i woke up and it was like switching a lightbuld. i literally walked away a different person. All of this is behind me now, i have a wonderful diffrent chapter in my life now but on the unfortunate side of going through things like that i walked away with scars that i can't hide.my entire left arm is covered with scars,carvings and words. my wrists have deep gashes that will forever remind me of the past.

Citiva Citiva
22-25, F
3 Responses Mar 1, 2010

you have come through a bad experience,yes you have scares,most people have invisible scares,but hold your head up and when the right guy comes along he won't worry about the scares as they are part of you.Wish you all best for future.

thank you so much. I aspire to move forward with happiness for the rest of my life. I don't want life like it was in the past. It's too much fun to let it slip though my fingers.

thanks for sharing your storie with us and im happy that at least someone found a way to get better<br />
as far as the scares go,dont worrie about then,anyone that love u wont even see them,or if like me we could compare scares for i have many myself.I hope your happness last for as long as u live