Been To 2 Mental Hospitals Within 6 Months, Not Pleasent

so i guess this is where i tell my story, as a young kid, 14-16, somewhere around that age i had suicidal thoughts because of a ****** childhood, i never went thru with it only because i didnt want to hurt my mom, i could picture my death, but then i always looked past it to see how i would leave my mom and my brother and that always kept me from going thru with it, well as i grew older it wasnt enough.

i believe its been a year, maybe a year and a half since my last stay in a mental hospital but due to my various disorders, the more serious is my social anxiety and bipolar...in the first case the severe anxiety i had led to more and more major depressive episodes, so i took all the prescription pills i had, i took somewhere between 130-160 various pills, apparently i was unresponsive for a while and came to in the ambulance, stayed in er for hours before getting sent to (eps) emergency pyschiatric services where they hold you for 24 hours at the most until they can find a bed for you at any given mental hospital.

so i was sent to the local mental hospital within the hospital i was at, which was by far the worst place ive been to, basically jail, except slightly better food.

because i left a suicide note, they held that against me, so they kept me for the max amount, which we all know is 2 weeks, and i couldnt take it, being ignored by so called doctors made me want to go insane and break the windows to get their attention, i took 1 shower during 2 weeks, this place was so horrible you couldnt even get a warm shower, it was freezing!

and the group therapy was absolute bullshit, less than 5 minutes, and being around extremely mentally ill people made things even worse, knowing that i shouldnt be here, i wasnt sick in my head like a lot of those people that were there, schizos, people yelling out loud, having conversations to themselves, people walking up and down the hallway all day, gang members, who would prefer jail instead of a mental hospital are even more violent from my experience, i saw one break within 15 minutes tops, crying and another lasted for an hour or so before flipping out and isolating himself.

the only reason a mental hospital is around is to keep you from killing yourself, not to help you, unless its a fancy, rich mental hospital where they actually want to help and have all the tools to do so, if its a county run mental hospital, youre going to hate it, please try to avoid any kind of mental hospital, i wouldnt even suggest to voluntary admit yourself if youre feeling suicidal, because they can hold you for longer despite being voluntary commmited if they feel your a threat to yourself or others...

plain and simple, theres no help, even when you try to seek help...unless you have money 

brandon408 brandon408
26-30, M
8 Responses Mar 10, 2010

:( Sounds like a sucky experience. Sorry.

That's a lot of pills!!!!

I promise they're not all that bad.

Pure suffering! I was trated like crap.

and the staff sit behind a glass gold fish bowl while the patients are in the rest of the ward and the staff totally ignore you. I banged on the glass for about an hour on one admission just for some prn meds

They all are the same.<br />
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I am going to disagree with the group therapy. You are in there with different "levels" if you want to put it that way of severity. I saw them all as family and the staff as the sheep. <br />
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Yea.

" unless its a fancy, rich mental hospital where they actually want to help and have all the tools to do so"<br />
<br />
That's bullshit. It's not different- they still treat you like **** and force you to clean up your own blood (which I had absolutely no problem with doing, because I'd made the mess but not right that second) when you're about to pass out from blood loss- it wasn't until I passed out they bothered to do anything about it. They still scream at you and make you feel worthless and tell you you're a waste of money, time and effort.<br />
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They're all just as ****** as the other.

That's absolutely horrible. :( I'm sorry.

That's quite disencouraging to hear (for people thinking of going to a mental hospital). I've never had mental issues, and I don't think I'll have. My childhood was so so... my mother was never around, but I had my splendid father by my side all the time. I had suicidal thoughts back when I was fourteen and used to cut myself but never really aimed for the suicide level. I even put a deadline to my date of death, my 15th birthday. I am 22, so you see, I never died. Suicide is hardly ever the solution, there are many people in your life you'll meet. People you will fall in love with, or just share something with. If your environment is killing you, get out of there! find yourself away from the sh¡t you've been around. I hope that some years from now you will have found peace inside you and goals to pursue. I don't know you, but know that I care!