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Does This Make It a Love/hate Relationship?

I am feeling very conflicted right now. A few weeks ago, my wife was home during the day. She was tired and took a nap on the couch in the living room where our not-so-quiet children were playing. As she was falling asleep, her cell phone rang. I recognized the name and number as someone with whom she speaks frequently. I answered the phone, told the person that she was sleeping, and took a message so that she would not have to wake up.

A little while later, our home phone rang. When I answered, I realized that the person who was calling was an old friend that my wife had been trying to contact. I whispered to her that her old friend was on the phone and discretely asked if she wanted to take the call. She did not reply, so I asked again. She still didn't reply, so I started a conversation with the caller and moved to another room.

Before I got too far into the conversation, my wife came into the room. I told the caller that she was awake and asked her to hold on while I gave the phone to my wife. As I was handing the phone to her, my wife said, "I hate you." She was obviously not too happy that I had woken her up from her nap.

If it had been me trying to get in touch with an old friend, I would have wanted to be woken up if the person called. I thought that I was doing the right thing by waking her up enough to ask her if she wanted to speak with her old friend. Obviously, I did not. When she got off of the phone with her friend, she apologized for her response to being woken up.

Herein lies my conflict. Never before have I had anyone tell me that they hated me. Now, the person that promised to love me 'til death do us part tells me that she hates me because I interrupted her nap. I know that she apologized, but I am having a hard time getting over her response. I was obviously insensitive to her trying to take a nap, but if she didn't want to be disturbed, I would have thought she would nap somewhere other than where our children were playing. Also, I knew that she had been trying to get in touch with the person who was finally returning her call, so I assumed that she would want to take the call. Obviously, I was wrong.

Sometimes I feel like nothing that I do is right.

FilmandVideoGuy FilmandVideoGuy 36-40, M 9 Responses Jun 29, 2008

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Are you a newly wed couple? This seems like an odd response to me. Maybe she's been stressed out lately and just didn't want to worry you with whatever the problem is. Or has she always reacted poorly to being woken up? Maybe you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Although, I have a hard time believing its just because you woke her up. I'm almost positive that there is some underlying problem here. Maybe you should talk to her about it. Make sure she is in a good mood though and try to be sensitive. If you don't already know what's going on, it may be for good reason (in her eyes). Hence, the reason she hasn't talked to you about it.

Very true, emptyheart. I can only hope that is what she meant. The expression and body language that accompanied the words was quite convincing at the time. She had never before and has never since said that to me.



I don't hold grudges and had, truthfully, forgotten about this incident until you commented on it. Thus, she has been forgiven for a long time.

I think a more appropriate choice of words would have been "I hate what you did" Don't let miscommunication lead you down the road of doubts. If she repeatedly tells you she "hates you" then maybe I'd worry more.

I agree that she was probably just venting frustration. I guess that since I have such a strong aversion to using that word that having it directed at me by my wife was a little hard to take. "I hate you" never enters my thought processes even when I'm irritated with her about something. How can you hate someone or something that you love?

A) You're ***** whipped.

B) She apologized. That's the end of it.

I agree that actions speak louder than words, but sometimes words spoken when emotions are high are more accurate than when emotions are not high. The words come out before the person has a chance to edit them.

Humans say stuff they don't truly mean... I would look more torward her actions or her verbs with you than her voiced opinions. Actions speak louder than words.

I could tell that her apology was sincere. That does not make it hurt any less. Once you say or do something, it is done. No matter how sorry you are about it, it has still happened.



There are individuals that I don't like very much, but I don't hate anyone.

i know how you feel. i would never tell anyone i hated them especially my spouse. my husband has said these words to me and it absoultely breaks my heart. i have a hard time understanding myself how someone who claims to love you can utter such things. i will never get it. at least you recieved an appology though, thats much more than i ever get.