The Best Laid Plans.....

My husband & I met in college at 19(community college)For both us we knew our love for eaachother was not only something we never felt but our friends all said we were lucky,I went to nursing school &he went to temple to be an engineer(he hated it)but to pay for school he worked in restaurants & that seemed to make him happy.Sept.1994 we got married no nerves or doubts just joy & excitement.So on her honeymoon I told him when we got home he could quit college&become a chef.The weight lifted&he was so greatful that I didnt think he was quitting.I had my dream job-being a nurse was what I wanted since I could talk.I wanted my husband to feel the same joy.He found between us we were unstopable. BOY WERE WE WRONG.In June 95 my best friend lost her battle with luekemia-that was hard but we pushed through.July 96 my sister had a son that to this day is the center of my world.1997 I became severely ill-they did not think i would live-I went to a hospitle in colorado they agreed with the first opinion-I had to quit nursig have a plasitic port inserted in my chest & receive IGg(immune part of the blood my body was not making.Well in 99 my sister finally married her sons dad&we felt so blessed& so much joy.Who could have known-one year to the day of the marriage my beautiful 26 year old sister had a brain anuerysm &died in my arms(she was my world)Then I had to step in for her son.His dad worked so I was the mom,school ,breakfasts homework bedtime vomit,immunizationsItwas & is still overwhelming but he is 12 a GREAT kid I can do know wrong in his eyes without him i could not have not only survived my sisters death but 12 months to the day my mother died fron lung scarring from to much smoking.Know with my health&depression issues my husband has become a man I do not know.He never wants to be with me-if Iam talking or asking questions even about the weather.I feel like he can barely stand being in the same room with me.Now I have been through a lot but with seeing my therapist&making some lifestyle changes I feel like I am turning the corner but alone.I do not believe he is cheating but I feel strong anger & resentment no matter how nice I try to be-he seems checked out.Please I  have no one to talk to & I am desperate for some hoest but kind words.I hate feeling like I am on eggshells 24/7thanks could use some insight

angelmouse angelmouse
Mar 21, 2009