Ball N Chain BipolarBipolar2 IS my ball & chain. It has dogged my life with serious suicide attempts from the age of 14 to 47. I consider myself lucky if I feel 'normal' more than 2weeks at a time. Fear, anxiety, depression are what I live with constantly. Medication is always being 'tweaked' as each of a succession of docs adds their personal ideas. Who else but a fellow sufferer could understand depression so awful that death seems like a welcome answer? months at a time struggling to wash, dress cleanhouse, shop, even eat. Then suddenly , a few days reprieve, becoming active, clean,capable,industrious, wondering how it was possible to ever have felt so awful. Then. wham, out of nowhere depression, fear & worthlesness strike again. No continuity in life. Statring out as such an intelligent high achiever, with a life full of promise. Never realising this ball & chain would destroy all relationships, career prospects,ultimately almost life itself. It never goes away. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. No cure, only endless rounds of medication, depression,loss of hope,despair. With small glimpses of sunshine inbetween. That's my Ball n chain.
rhond 46-50, F 2 Responses 0 May 19, 2011