My Husband Was Born With Be 44 Years Ago

Hi Guys, my husband was born with this condition in 1966. I have been married to him for 13 years and have just discovered that he has been going online and talking to women about sex. We dont have penatrative sex, we touch and i thought this was enough for him. He has a stoma and uses a bag (no cathada, refuses to have the operation to get the cathada) He has no belly button, he has a very small penis and when errect it points upwards, so penatration is impossible. He tells me that he wanted to know what it felt like (even tho he wasnt physically doing it) just to be able to say (type) the words out in his head what he wanted to do ... i realise that this is a big issue for men born with this condition. He feels he is a freak, but online he can be who he wants to be, the man he has always wanted to be. I am trying to understand why he did this, but on the other hand i am devastated that he did. I know he deals with issues that i cant even imagine about, and i have tried to help him, we do things together and we both reach ****** every time, i thought this was enough ... i am devastated that he could do this to me. I am 44 years old and for the passed 13 years i have given him all of me ... every piece of me, and i need to understand why he needed to do this. Ive never stopped loving him, and i still do love him, this is why this hurts me so much ....
heartbrokenUK heartbrokenUK
1 Response Dec 14, 2012

It sounds like exactly what you described. He went online to pretend he was someone else. No matter how much he says he's okay with his condition, he isn't. I suggest you guys get counseling. He needs professional help, and it sounds like you could too, in regards to his discretion. Don't send him away, it'll be a death sentence.

Hi Depressed,
I am not sending him away ... far from it, this is why i came here to try and understand. To try and help him, Altho i do feel betrayed and hurt that he did this to me ... BUT i DO understand his needs and why he did it. We have started counseling and have been to 3 sessions. My husband has NEVER had counseling before and i think its tragic that he never had this type of help. The councellor has says she will also see him by himself to help him come to terms .... he says he thinks he is a freak, and this makes me very sad .... he isnt a freak, he is my husband whom i am proud to walk every step of my life with ... so im here to help him, to understand so we can both move on from this, and have a healthy happy relationship again. I love my husband very much and i know he loves me. Im never leaving him .... ever :-)