I'm so scared, I just want my normal life back soooo bad. I'm 21 years old, and this all started to get really bad when I was about 17. I have an obsession with hair on my face and body. People tell me it's not there. but it is. I can see it and I can feel it. I am so pale and gross. They are saying that to make me feel better. I pick and I pick at myself for hours at a time until I bleed or leave scars. It wastes so much of my time. I can't get anything done. It's so hot out and I can't even wear shorts or go swimming. On top of all of this I feel like I am beginning to obsesses about how fat my stomach is. I do it so much that I have no idea what I even look like anymore. Showers trigger my disorder terribly....which is bad because I need to do that everyday. I dread getting ready for school or work. I am very self conscious in certain lighting. I forget a lot because I am too preoccupied to remember. Any additional responsibilities are extremely hard for me to handle. I can't hold a job for very long, and I am in school but all I do the whole time is think about how people might see hair. I freak out. I have felt suicidal a lot, and I have choked myself, but I know deep down I don't want to die, I just want to feel free. I have a boyfriend who has been very supportive of me and my disorder. He takes me to therapy, talks to me, and always tells me how beautiful I am. Sometimes I feel like he just says it because he knows about my disorder, and doesn't want to tell me the truth. My mom has always been very supportive as well; she went through the same type of problem, but with wrinkles. I feel like my obsessions are getting old, and it's the same thing everyday. People are getting sick of listening to me, but I can't get over it. It's an everyday battle for me, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
sma1321 sma1321
22-25, F
Aug 22, 2014