Bdd Vs. Just "too" Ugly

I have always been a self-conscious person. The feelings of being uncomfortable with myself began in the 4th or 5th grade. In middle school the feelings intensified, in high school it began to take a huge toll on my mental health...and by my college years the feelings almost doubled. is just unbearable. I hate the way I look. My hair and skin are grotesque. And that is just the beginning. My facial features look "off" and I have dark circles under my eyes and blemishes on my skin.
I also find the rest of my body disgusting. My body is not proportioned and I have an abnormal skeletal structure. My skin stretches more than it should and I have deposits of fat in certain areas of my body.
I walk around thinking about how disgusting I look. To cover up my countless flaws I wear make up. Every day. I spend over and hour a day applying make up to cover my ugliness. I wear only certain types of clothes, which tend to be baggy, and a over sized brown jacket which gives me more comfort somehow. However, I always feel a great degree of ugliness and do not feel "right" walking around in my own body. When people glance at me or look at me I know they think the same....and that's me WITH make u. Without my make up and hat I would be the ugliest person in the world. No doubt about it.
...and I think about these things EVERYDAY. I feel the same discomfort within myself EVERYDAY. It is getting very tiring and taking to my mental health. I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, BPD, but no longer have health insurance. Although, I am able to get Fluxeotine from a downtown health clinic. Other than that pill (given to me for the depression) I have no other means of "getting better" and I believe I am slowly going crazy. I have fallen into maladaptive behaviors in the past (e.g. drinking, self-harm, pills, etc) and I don't want to start again.
Life is just so stressful...
xkrystelizex xkrystelizex
Oct 27, 2011