How Can You Have Bdd and Date?

Uggghh I feel your pain! I find it helpful to look at photographs of women with similar features. . Just to ground myself and realize how common and normal (and even desireable) these traits are. There is a plethora of photographs of all kinds of bodies out there - meaning there is a plethora of people seeking those body types out in order to attain such photographs. I'm 26 now and just starting to understand that the distortion in my mind is real. It took a few relationships (ruined by my bdd) before I noticed a trend in what my ex's said about my body. They all saw me as beautiful. I never thought it would happen, but I actually believe them now! We have a goliath of a monster to fight with media overshadowing our every move. But real men with real hormones who have chosen yOu are acting on something more primal than some arbitrary set of standards for looks. With this beast at our backs, we all deserve the support of someone who is willing to give us validation and patience. Anyone who denies your struggle without trying to learn about bdd is the problem in failed relationships provided that you are trying. All relationships have hard times. Don't guilt yourself, there are understanding people out there. Keep searching for positivity, even when it feels like you want to crawl into a hole. It takes lots of time, but every little bit really does help. Hope you feel better, you are not alone!

Remember what you are seeing in the mirror is not a true portrayal of you it took me many years to realize that what we with bdd is not correct.

Hi, i'm 22 with BDD and have currently been with my boyfriend for two years. I have a constant battle with my weight and appearance. I know i'm not obese because im a size 8 (US 4) but when I look in the mirror I just see fatness, I feel it when I walk.

Having a boyfriend who I find extremely attractive actually makes it worse for me. I feel constantly inferior to him. I hate hanging out in uni with him because I feel like girls look at us and think what is he doing with her. It puts more pressure on me to strive for so called perfection. It also makes it difficult being intimate with him. If he starts to touch me I feel hideous and fat even though he thinks I should put on weight. Sometimes I feel like the only way to cope with BDD is literally to be alone, it eases the pressure a bit :(

Don't worry I know exactly how you feel. This morning it literally took me around two hours getting ready because I just think all my clothes make me look enormous. I just try and wear jumpers and leggings literally the whole time. I too in summer stay at home and just try and recluse. This feels like such a disabling illness. But don't worry you are most definitely not alone in this. If you ever need to talk im here :) I guess it helps a lot knowing a lot of people feel the same way

I too suffer BDD but I do something about it. If your never happy then your only going to make yourself look uglier
I used to suck **** for a living. So I could buy every beauty machine out there!
I diet, skin treat, derma wand, laser, wax, epilate, pedicure, manicure also do tanning injections and own a tanning bed
I almost look perfect and am still not happy TRAFFIC friggin stops for me to cross!!
But I haven't found love because Im too image obsessed.
Then I see these ugly junkies on the train madly in love, fat couples, pale white nerds god the worlds fattest man got a gf
at the end of it love really dosent come down to how pretty you are, you will never be perfect in your eyes but if you can in someone elses then capture that and never let go.
But I myself is willing to dedicate my whole life to my beauty and would choose it over love anyday but what is beauty without anyone to appreciate it?
I have no friends because girls are that intimidated by my looks they step off the path as I walk by I have no job because If I dont glow with perfect health I hate leaving the house but its not an illusion we do all have good days and bad days

I too suffer BDD but I do something about it. If your never happy then your only going to make yourself look uglier
I used to suck **** for a living. So I could buy every beauty machine out there!
I diet, skin treat, derma wand, laser, wax, epilate, pedicure, manicure also do tanning injections and own a tanning bed
I almost look perfect and am still not happy TRAFFIC friggin stops for me to cross!!
But I haven't found love because Im too image obsessed.
Then I see these ugly junkies on the train madly in love, fat couples, pale white nerds god the worlds fattest man got a gf
at the end of it love really dosent come down to how pretty you are, you will never be perfect in your eyes but if you can in someone elses then capture that and never let go.
But I myself is willing to dedicate my whole life to my beauty and would choose it over love anyday but what is beauty without anyone to appreciate it?
I have no friends because girls are that intimidated by my looks they step off the path as I walk by I have no job because If I dont glow with perfect health I hate leaving the house but its not an illusion we do all have good days and bad days

Hey remy.. i understand how youu feel... i just found out about my BDD and im lost. im getting worst and dont know what to do

I'm 17 with BDD. I do date and I must say I find it very difficult to explain this condition to whomever I'm seeing at the time, especially when I think that no-one could look at me and perceive me as normal looking. I find it difficult to keep these relationships, friendships or otherwise. It's definitely ruining my life.

I feel like this story could've been written by me. I too have had BDD since I was 13, and am now 22. I haven't really dated because I'm afraid to put myself out there. I feel like when guys look at me (when they do) that they are absolutely disgusted. If a guy does approach me, I won't look him in the eye because I hate my face. If a guy does show any interest, I end up sabotaging it because i think he is lying. I'm deathly afraid of being alone in life, but right now it looks like that is how it'll be.



I go through stages of obsessing over the mirror and crying when I look in it. RIght now I'm avoiding it. The only reason I have a picture up is because it is part of an exposure for therapy.

That's part of the reason I'm single right now, with BDD. I just can't see someone accepting me because I feel like they see what I see. I can't accept any other view on myself other than my own...



But at least you can change your body weight. There is NO cure for acne. FML.

I am 15 and have just been diagnosed and all this is overwhelming. I'm sick to my stomach on how I look , I hate myself and I'm worried I'll be like this forever and never be happy. This is going to ruin my life but for the past 6 months I've been trying to go out more , it really helps

The thing is, what you see in the mirror is not who you are. Your self image is skewed by self loathing. A man who fancies you doesn't have the loathing for you so they see who you really are and they find you attractive because of it, not despite of it.

I feel you on that. I have suffered from BDD for 13 years now. It started when I was 15. I have been in relationships all my life but, they have been ridiculously heart wrenching and painful. Although I have not always been with the right person, I have, myself, been a handful. I'm so self-absorbed and hate myself so much that it definitely eats at the people around me. I have never gotten help for this condition until now. Mostly because I was embarassed that I even felt this way about myself. Currently, I am in a relationship that is basically the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't want to ruin it. (Reason for me seeking help)



I'm not sure if you have seeked out a therapist but, if not, this could definitely help you. Just remember that there is someone out there for everyone. BUT in order to really love someone else, you must love yourself first. Believe me, I'm working on the same thing. :) I hope you find this helpful.

i also have bdd and everything you have listed that you do on here is exactly what i do. i always wear baggy clothes and i feel like i will explode in anything else. i'm 5'4'' and 150 lbs...ugh i hate myself. but somehow i have a boyfriend who loves me and thinks that i am beautiful and somehow knowing that helps a bit, but not much. you're worthy, i promise. <3

bdd has completely ruined my relationship im with my partner 3 years and i feel so ugly ompared to him he is so handsom and gets so much attention from women .He has kind of cheated on me which has made my condition worse i have tried to commit suicide several times beffore he did that so when i found out i got severe depression i am on prozHac and since have been in hospital with shingles for three weeks .He was texting a glamour model with massive boobs and long blond hair teling her how sexy he thought she was and how he couldnt wait to see her this was all done through facebook his profile stated that he was single a interested in meeting women she was one of a couple of hundred women some of whom he had previous relationships with .When i found out about this i continued every day trying to make myself not so ugly i am still doing i change my hair colour every week it is now falling out .The worst part is i look at her profile every day and compare myself to her it makes me physically sick .Im wondering has anyone else gone through this and could give any advice .

Hun I totally feel your pain! I have BDD too. I have my good days and bad days.

The thing that has helped me is staying active. If I sit around all day and dwell on things I feel rubbish. I try to get out and walk about for a least an hour everyday. I helps me sleep better and makes me feel better about myself physically and mentally. Also certain foods can affect the mood as well. Especially processed foods. I try to eat everything as fresh as possible and have either fresh or frozen veg-frozen is cheaper and lasts longer! I know everyone talks about 'diet and exercise' but it is seriously the only thing that helps my mood. Being active every day, getting up before 10am and getting out in daylight no matter the weather and eating well. Just simple little steps.

I too have struggled with relationships but I think that If you feel a bit better about yourself then you will feel better when you are with others.

I still have the BDD and that needs more work with a specialist I think. But by just pushing forward, keeping my mind occupied with other things and FORCING myself to stay active, I have at least improved my mood!

I havent quite cracked the dating thing and am not the most confident when it comes it. When Ive been feeling down, dating actually makes me feel even worse! I do think its about feeling a bit better about yourself first and obviously meeting the right person.

I hope this helps and wish you all the best! Here if you want to chat. Lots of love xxxx

hey there love I know the feeling i feel that way every day, but have faith my dear, were made this way sadly we have to cope differently than others about appearance but it will get better one day, one day we will get up and feel alive and beautiful. what i do when im down it change something i think ppl look at all the time, in high school bc my mom would not let me go on independant study (home schooling) i would find fun ways to make my eyes look big so noone would look at anything else just be engaged with my eyes and my makeup ability... or like find some nice jeans just something that would take the attention off the things i hated about myself (and there is not much i like lol) but i just got out of a long relationship that did not help my bdd but the guy i am seeing now makes me feel like a happy normal 21 year old gal, so it gets better once you find that guy who makes life feel like a fairy tale! >.< it will get better if you wanna chat friend me up!

I have serious bdd but am also in a relationship. He watches me suffer everyday and has stood by me after some serious suicide attempts over this. I guess even though Im ugly, there has to be something he loves about my personality or theres no way hed continue to put up with this..

Im exactly the same...right down to the eating disorder parts. Except im obsessed with mirrors (:@) and Im 15.

xxx

I'm 56, and have suffered from BDD (or at least low self esteem about my appearance) since I was seven years old.



If it gives you hope - yes, you can have a relationship - it helps if you find someone you feel comfortable with, and who accepts you "warts and all". My boyfriend says he thinks I'm beautiful (ha ha)! It doesn't make me feel better about myself, but it is a comfort to feel someone accepts me as I am.



As well, I think if we can just 'be ourselves', people will like us and won't judge us on our appearances. It's US that judge ourselves, I'm afraid.



Best of luck - I know you're a lovely person - that's what counts. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I know what you mean. I'm in the same boat.... but just 2 years ago I decided to do something about. Since I suffered from obsessive weight worries and constantly exercising (then gaining more weight after losing tons)...I put myself on a schedule for exercising. Right now, I'm at a "good" weight but I still have the weight worries....

I still wear bumish clothes but have slowly (really slowly) tried to dress "nice", just like you, I still/did wear big baggy sweaters all-year around. For years I couldn't wear jeans, only baggy pants. I hate tight clothing..actually any type of shopping wear I have to try on clothes...I get sick and just want to cry. But now, my anxiety has gone down..

I hate having these feelings of people looking at me and judging the way I look but I have come to understand that it's never going way and the best thing I can do is to try to feel comfortable in a setting.

****Because of this fear of being judged which has interfered with my dating life, I posted a Craigslist ad for a potential BF. I was bombarded with e-mails....some nice to creepy...But one stood out from the rest...and i met my bf (whom I'm still with today). I thought that in a million years that I wouldn't be able to find anyone because of this but...really some guys are very understanding. My bf knows how to get me out of my funks and back on common ground....Don't worry, you'll find someone!

Best of Luck!

It's definitely hard, but it can be done. You know how this disorder works, regardless of what good thing you have, your mind is ALWAYS able to twist it such that it still makes sense that you are monstrous and ugly. I've had a wonderful boyfriend for two years, and yet I still cry myself to sleep many nights because of the agony and shame of feeling so ugly and fat. You often feel like the person you are dating is just pitying you or putting up with you instead of fully being happy about you, which hurts. But nonetheless, you can have a relationship. I've just found that the relationship still is not a cure for this disorder. To be honest, most men actually have a problem with the disorder itself and the degree of support they need to give, not with how you look (which is normal, in spite of how bad you feel).



Best of luck, I hope we will both improve.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Focus on getting out more first, then you can start looking for the right guy.