Its More Than Vanity!!!

hi im jen im 26, and bdd is controlling me and i wish it wasnt, everyday is a battle with myself, it has got so bad that in my head i now beleive my whole self is based on the way i look and theres nothing else left, im mentally exhausted.........others around me think that im just extremly vain, oh if only that were true, having bdd is like being in my own personal prison designed to keep all rational thoughts out!!! i want to be free, attracting a partner has never been an issue.... my bdd within the relationship on the other hand is a different story, not one partner has ever understood and when i have a bdd attack im seen as attention seeking and overreacting because they cannot see anything on the outside then its not there, its so difficult for me to maintain a relationship when i feel so ugly and thats on a good day, on a bad day im discusting and should not be out in public, i envy people that can be themselves and not care about others opinions thats my idea of heaven and one day i wish to be there.

jenni26 jenni26
26-30, F
5 Responses Nov 18, 2008

Your story is exactly like mine!!! I have suffered from this for many, many years. Every day is a struggle for me too. I also wish I were one of those people who don't care, but for some reason, I care too much. I think that comes from being bullied everyday when I was in school and it was about my looks. I think because of that, I am a people pleaser and a perfectionist, so if I don't think I look "perfect", I don't want to go anywhere or do anything because I think people are going to see me the way I see myself...ugly. I can, and have, spend hours in front of the mirror trying to fix my hair so that it is "perfect", changing my clothes a couple times to get the "right look", and stuff like that. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but all I can say is just know that you are not alone. I can relate to your story because its mine too.

i can relate to your writing

i too have bdd and feel i have an ugly, broad and the face of a monster and also bdd is like slow poison that erodes u day in and day out.I can understand how tormentin it is <br />
becoz of my ugly broad face i dont have a goodlookin and lovin partner

hang in there. You have a disorder. Get a counselor who is specializes in BDD. <br />
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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