The Person Staring Back Isn't Me!!!

my story started when i was in elementary. i was thin, but once i started growing i started to gain more weight. i was now wearing the all to sexy, husky size pants. now, i was not really affected by this notion at first, because it didn't bother me. until i started to notice people staring when i walked by. i would look at myself and could not get what they were staring at, so i would shrug it off, but as fate should have it, i needed to buy some more clothes since my pants were no longer fitting any more. so i went with my mom to buy some new husky's at SEARS, while there i was looking around, trying to see what style i liked best, when i noticed all the "cool" styles were not my size, in other words they were not made in husky's. while this was happening my mom found some pants and asked me to try them on, so i gladly did. that's when i was astonished by the fact that these pants didn't fit either i had to go higher up, this happened about three or so times that day, it finally stopped at me wearing, in the words of my mom "big boy pants" while she was elated i was deflated because that's when i realized what those people were starring at, they were starring at my fat. after awhile of more looking around we decided to pay and go get something to eat. we didn't have a car so we had to take the bus, slowly getting today's misfortune out of my mind i tried to clear my head, when i heard my mom talking to this lady about the pants we had just bought. this other lady had brought here son with her as well and when i saw him i felt like crying, because he was gigantic, and felt like dieing when i heard he to had to wear "big boy pants" my mind was screaming at this point because here i was gallivanting around looking ugly and not trying to fix myself. since then i tried every thing i could to get thin. i became more active and as i got older i tried pills, laxatives and started starving my self. until i was at the weight i wanted to be...and of course this took time, i finally kind of perfected this later on in my life, i am 19 now and can wear my elementary clothes with space to spare, i wear a size 28-30 and try desperately to stay there, some may call me anorexic, i just call me last

haveneverlet haveneverlet
18-21, M
4 Responses Jun 11, 2009

yeh bunnymousekitt i totally agree i have an ED and i deffinately dont want to stop!<br />
It is my comfort zone and i intend on keeping it this way for as long as possible

Everybody has their one weakness, and that's okay, I don't see why you should give up cheese unless you're really into self-denial :P Of course self denial is kind of what we're talking about here, isn't it....well, I just tend to lose my appetite when stressed or will gain a sense of strength from controlling what I eat. I know that's probably not a good thing but it's been with me since I was 15 and I doubt it's going away now.<br />
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I read once about Audrey Hepburn and how she was like this her whole life because of starvation during the war.It was how she gained a sense of self control during turmoil.<br />
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I guess the problem with eating disorders is that we don't want to stop it. :P

i do that to, when ever i am stressed or feel like every body is staring i get nervous and start taking pills again, or go strict vegitarian ( not eatting take out, nothing i didnt make myself) or even vegan which is hard because i love cheese.what do you do to curb this temptation?

Well, that's not really healthy, but then - I'm not either. I see where you're coming from. I know it's not healthy to starve myself, but anorexia is sort of like a comfort zone to me. I always go back to it when I'm stressed.