My Story...

As you may or may not know, that I suffer from borderline personality disorder. I have been living with BPD for a while now, and still at times, I don't even know how to fully explain.

Basiccally we are totally ****** up. haha, at least that is how I feel at times. For me, borderline personality disorder means, that you are on the verge of having a million of voices in your head. Have you ever herd of MPD? Well MPD, is Multiple Personality Disorder. Meaning that you have more than one personality, and it not only effects yourself, but others around you, and sometimes it can be VERY DANGEROUS!

I have a few friends who are MPD, and sometimes they are the most caring person in the world, but when an "Alter" comes out, "Alter is a wonder, for an alternate personality" they can be hateful, vicious, and just the total opposite of the other personality.

Borderline personality is, what I believe to be on the verge of having MPD. Those who have MPD Can Ruin many relationships in their life, and their life. To have BPD, means you are not as high of a risk of someone with MPD, but on the verge of it.

Now here is my story

"I was diagnossed with BPD about two and a half years ago, and since than, I have been dealing with this illness. I have other mental illnesses, including, panic attacks, depression, and Bipolar disorder. However, in my opinion I believe the hardest one to deal with, and to cope with, and to try and keep under control is the BPD.

Since I found out I had BPD, I have thought of myself, even more ****** up, and messed up in the head, than I already thought. It wasn't easy for me to come to terms with BPD, and to understand it let alone deal with it. However, since than, I have dealt with it the best way I can. I deal with the Crazy episodes, I deal with the flashbacks, the uncerantily, and just all of it.

It hasn't been easy, and without my friends, being there, by my side the whole way,. I don't think I would have been able to surivie it.

my doctor told me that this is one of those things like, bipolar disorder, that I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life, but it has been more under control, since I have gone through theraphy, and have leanred more of what it is, and all that fun crap!

SO basically, while, I didn't want to deal with this, and I certainlly didn't ask to have to, I am dealing with it the best way I can.

I hope to anyone else out there who is dealing with this, that they are not alone, and if they need anyone, I am here for them"

I often feel like I am so very alone in dealing with all of this, its so very hard....i believe that its one of the worst of my mental illnesses to deal with, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone :(

deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Jul 9, 2010

I was diagnosed with BPD a little over a year ago. I have been through Dialectic Behavioral Therapy and it has really helped in many parts of my life. However, those empty feelings still hit me every now and then. For example, tonight I did something pretty stupid to my boyfriend and now he is "disgusted" with me. During the 2nd half of what should have been a nice dinner (and all of us BPDs know how hard that is to come by) and for the 25 min car ride home, I listened to him talk about my "disgusting selfishness" and my "ridiscululous neediness." It killed me and I grabbed the door handle so tight I thought my arm would come off. I felt like I will never have enough of what I "need" to make me feel loved and safe. It's extremely hard to come to terms with the fact that I may never feel the same intense emotions I feel from someone that I love.

I was diagnosed with BPD late last year. And it had came as a relief, as it finally made sensed of all the years of craziness and inability to get well. As first, I was petrified about actually being diagnosed - I didn't want to think there was something seriously wrong with me, other than 'just suffering from depression and anxiety'. I had gone through 15 years of on-and-off therapy, but I never stick around long enough to be properly treated or diagnosed. Most of the doctors wanted to put me on medication. I refused as I didn't trust them and don't believe that was what I needed. I never wanted to think that I actually needed help. But it's come to a point where I have tried everything else I have read or thought of - I finally had to admit that this is a battle I may need to trust others a little to get through. I still feel that perhaps no one can help me, and that I might just waste my life or die like this. But I am keeping my faith that DBT will help. It's not true that we have to live with BPD for life - a lot of BPD sufferers have recovered and lives a normal life - it just the process of recovery takes a long time, and need proper care. - make sure you have a good doc that you trust. I know it feels too much to bear at times, but really, you are not alone. Like Stainedglass said, we are all in the same boat. If you need a chat - write to us. Hug!

BPD is all of what you just stated and more. I have had it since I was six years old and now I am almost 28. I never knew there was help out there like DBT. The councilors that I had were pretty crappy. Or maybe it was I who was the crappy one. After awhile I would get bored with them and move on to the next one. <br />
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Anyways as far as the topic of MPD I am thinking you can be BPD and have MPD just due to the fact that being BPD you have no identity. You dont know who you are, so you wear this mask to be whomever anyone else wants you to be?? I mean that is what I am dealing with anyways. <br />
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Well I just thought I would write on your wall and say you are not alone, we are all here going through this. It might not be the same symptoms, but it is the same name.. <br />
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HUGS...