Crumbs Of My Life..*

I have a very abusive, neglectful childhood. At 26yrs old, I'm going through my 2nd divorce. Both of my spouses were very physically abusive.

I love my children, and feel their love is the only consistent love that I keep in my life.

It is hard balancing my disorder and life. I feel up and down. I'm on anti-depressants, but I don't feel they work. Sometimes, I feel that I don't have the capacity to love.

I'm the typical BPD. I get into relationships super fast, become very intimate, and then a year or two in, I despise the person I'm with.

Is there hope?
TNMama TNMama
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 29, 2010

That's the worst part of BPD for me... I find it so hard to identify/connect with anything I do from relationships to studies to jobs so I just quit. Get in fast and then get out fast. I'd like to believe that there is hope. At least if you know what you do then you have a chance to do something about it. I've been in therapy for a while now and the things that I'm getting out of it are to keep trying, stay away from relationships and try to accept yourself the way you are.

I'm a single mom to four boys. I'm going back to school this Fall. I've been blessed that my soon to be ex has a great job, so financially, I'm okay.. But I'm awful in relationships. I push people away, and have horrible abandonment issues. I don't even know what a normal relationship is.

I feel the same way.<br />
I was in abusive marriage,my mother verbal abuse and father sexual abuse and through all that i'm still here with my little boy.<br />
You wouldn't believe the stuff that ran through my head...or maybe you do?<br />
I dated 2 yrs after ex left us but i was in no relationships and i stopped dating for 2 years,i just wanted to be alone.<br />
My relationships don't last,they come and go.<br />
I have a hard time falling in love or evan say i love you.<br />
I guess cause iv'e been hurt in so many ways,i can't tell what my heart wants.<br />
But to make me better i write poetry,my current bf of 4 months gets me when my feelings are out on the paper,he says its the only way to connect with me.<br />
There is always hope.<br />
Im 28,single mother,management in a hospital wih a bf who loves me and i was about to leave it all..don't give up.