I am seeing a new therapist. I have met her once and I already like her. She has given me homework and tools to practice already. The thing is, it is way more overwhelming then I thought is was going to be.

I am supposed to track my emotions, rate, them and describe them throughout the day. Track urges to self harm, and use, whether I acted on them or not, my health and exercise. And then track whether I tried to use one of the skills we talked about, which I am completely failing at :(

I have only been doing this exercise for 5 days and I already feel crazy and like I am ready to break down.

I guess the hardest thing for me, besides using the skills, is tracking and going through why I had those emotions. How do I live like this? It makes me crazy looking at it.

In any one event that happened I go through too many emotions all at once, and flip flop I don't know how many times between all of them. Anger, fear, resentment, sadness, guilt, ashamed, hurt.....

It was easier just going through them, then seeing them. I just hope I have the strength to continue, or not completely lose it!
rainmoon rainmoon
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 6, 2010

Thanks for the support. I am going to try and keep up on it, just maybe slow it down and not push myself too hard. For me its hard because everything is all or nothing. Finding that medium with anything is hard.

You are doing great. Just rationalizing what it is you are doing and trying to achieve is monumental. Don't expect to be able to learn a huge new habit like this over night. At a Franklin Covey Planner class, that I took on being organized (work function) one of the first things they taught us was that it takes 7 consecutive days to train yourself to have a new habit. So keep at it and don't give up!