Troubled Relationshipsi'm richie. i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about two years ago. i'm 27 years old. i am a lesbian. my first lesbian relationship was with my bestfriend in college. we were together for four years. her name is candice. candice and I got along well. we lived together with her family. her family was a loving one, unlike my own. but i met another girl.. Amy. I fell in love with her. i decided to leave candice for amy. i moved into Amy's place right away. this time it was only me and Amy. and the symptoms of BPD started manifesting during this relationship with Amy. i was always feeling insecure. I always felt I was being neglected and not being cared for. it was a very troubled relationship. i was always accusing her of not caring for me. i constantly doubted her love for me. Amy is 14 years older than me. we fought a lot during our relationship. the lack of 'sex' also drove me crazy, emphasizing my feeling of not being loved. so one night i asked for sex- and she was not into it. she rejected me and what's worse was that she said mean things to me which caused me to slap her, to hurt her. it was too painful for me- being rejected by the one i loved. that was the reason she broke up with me. and i really tried my best to get her back. i went to the place where she was working and begged for another chance. we drove back to the apartment. while we were on our way home, i tried to get the wheel from her several times which really frightened her. when we got to the apartment i heard her saying over and over to me that our relationship was over. i was in denial and so i did my best to prevent that from happening. i got a knife and told her i'd kill myself if she's gonna leave me. every action i made just made her frightened even more. my sister came and she had to pull me out of that place. days after that, i did crazy things just to get her back. but i failed. then i got an email from her. Amy said in that email that I might have borderline personality disorder. the email also included facts about the disorder. i just shrugged it off, denying that i do have that one. 5 months after i had another relationship. it was with Gladys. i was also violent with Gladys.. i had major anger management issues. i abused her physically. our relationship lasted for 4 months only. two failed relationships in a year plus lack of support from my family drove me to attempt suicide. i took several pills. but a friend of mine found out so i was brought to the hospital. after that, i went to a psychiatrist for therapy. i did that for a few months. i had to stop due to limited financial resources. i am now into another relationship. although im trying my best to apply everything i learned from therapy i still have major issues about myself. i have low self esteem and i am so insecure. but i am now less violent. i am better at handling anger now. but i still have a long way to go. i am still a work in progress. that's why im joining groups to help me towards becoming a better person especially in an intimate relationship.
carpediemrichie 26-30, F 6 Responses 0 Feb 12, 2011