Familiar GroundYou're not the person I thought you where. I have heard that so many times, usually before a friendship ends. I have alot of problems maintaining relationships. Right now, this minute, I have no friends. I've quit trying. Why am I thinking about this right now? Because I see a problem coming, and I'm not sure how to handle it.
I have been seeing my therapist for about 6 weeks. She is an older woman, and I have a long histroy of mother seeking. I reach out to older woman, looking for the mother I never had. I know therapy works best when you are honest and open, but I haven't been. I answer her questions, but don't really vollenteer anything. I realized yesterday, that in our limited contact, she has come to a few conclusions about me that are wrong. She said I was a fighter, a strong person. She doesn't realize it's just the front I put on. I told her I think crying is for *******, and emotions are for the weak- there fore I am a ***** and weak. She said that's not who you are. Now I see it coming, clear as day. I'm not the person she thinks I am. I know she is not my friend, she is someone I pay to spend time with me twice a month.
So I am trying not to become attatched. But I see the same old problem popping up. She has an incorrect notion of who I am, and she will be yet another person dissapointed when she realizes that's not who I am.
My thinking is very black or white, good or evil. She thinks I am strong, for some reason. It leaves me wondering, why is it when you are silent, people draw there own conclussions, maybe projections. I don't know. All I know for sure, is that once she pries the lid off of me, she will be sorely dissappointed. But that's ok. I'm used to it.