Bpd Has Ruined The Best Relationship Of My Life
I have BPD and like all of you, live in hell. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, although he broke up with me last night after another one of my incidents. Growing up I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which in the past year (I'm 21) I have discovered with my therapist and with agreement from my psychiatrist was a misdiagnosis. I then found out I had BPD. Along with everything that comes with bpd, the anger, the uncontrollable intense fear of being alone and the abandonement..etc. etc. , the biggest problem is the impulsivity to always leave behind the amazing bf I had when some new and excited offer was made to me. Not only have I emotionally cheated on him 6 times ( 4 with the same person and 2 recently with another) , and fantasized about being with these guys, I have also intentionally gone out and cheated on him physically twice. I know the triggers, every time I feel hurt or vulnerable, the impulses take over and I give in. What I want to know is how to STOP them! He has given me endless chances and he says this is it, he's done. BPD has taken over the last part of my life that mattered to me. It has destroyed all friendships because of my anger and inability to see people as "both good and bad" . If you **** me off, you're nothing but hated by me. I can't lose the only thing I care about, what can I start to do now to prevent these impulses? HELP!