Bpd Is It Me?

I havent the faintest idea what a 26 yr old female does.. I dont know who i am or really how to act.. I wish i werent so flip floppy in my thoughts ( one day i like something the next i hate it) im going to my 1st therapy session soon and i hope i can help it help me.. If you have bpd then i dont realy have to tell you about the temper tantrums over apparently nothing ( to me it feels like my feelings are justified and not irrational). Its embarassing to be so engulfed by this that i dont really know if i sound coherent.. Im intelligent in my own way but i always feel so stupid.. Shew its tough .. Anyway i know that i need to do something anything with my life evolution led to me and i should be doing something but i do nothing i have no drive.. I want to exist and feel alive not like a social clusterfudge. I wish that i either could get my life together or not exist at all ( its a shame to waste this chance i have on earth just being uneducated and crazy).