Trying To Live Life

zorsoI was diagnose with borderline personality disorder after i tried to kill myself three months ago. I have also lived with depression, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and paranoia since i was 10 yrs old. i have lived a very difficult life since i was very little and sometime i ask my self is it worth living any more?
When i was 7 yrs old my cousin took advantage of me in the back of an abandoned house near our families house. To me i was little and i hid it from everyone because he said this was our little secret. And then i lived in a house were my parents were always fighting they never really abuse me physically but emotionally it was very hard was always in the middle. Tell your mom this, tell your dad that it was driving me insane. After they were divorced i blamed my mom i hated her and that's when depression kicked in n i was gonna jump off a balcony in school. then the time being in the hospital with anxiety attacks my life to me wasn't worth living at 11 yrs old. After that i was always looking for a relationship but it was always with older boys my first boyfriend was 20 n i was 14. Ive been in so many different relationship but my anger, mood swings, my emotions drive everyone away sometimes i feel that this feeling of loneliness and not being able to  have a stable relationship with anyone even family will drive me more crazy than i already consider myself i cant keep a job I've been taken twice from my job to the hospital because my mood swings cause me to have anxiety attacks and the same thing happened in school. How will i live my life with this? I don't  think ill ever be able to be happy.
sorimar sorimar
18-21, F
May 8, 2012