Living With Bpd

I used to have very strong impulses and would say things that in my mind at the time I felt to be so true, when it wasn't.
After reading about bpd in more detail I have realized more about my own thought patterns. I feel it helps the condition to have people around you that know what you are going through, it's much easier not to have to pretend your normal lol...

I haven't had any help yet, but I find looking back at the things I have said to people before in outbursts helps, because I can understand why I said it, but why it was irrational.

I'm very lucky to have a partner that understands the way my mind works and is always very supportive. I feel that if there is nothing I can do about this disorder the best thing I can do is embrace it.

Sometimes I will have the angry/sad thoughts in my head and I will say them out loud, and almost automatically say "S**t , sorry I didn't actually mean that lol" most of the time I just shrug it off and laugh about it.

For example when I think someone is going to abandon me or I'm not good enough, I will say stupid things like:

" OH I see! Your doing this because I'm not good enough, fine, **** you then :) "

Where in reality, I am good enough, it's just a defense mechanism.

So instead of saying these things out loud when I feel the urge to say them, I say it in my head, make the facial expression that I would normally make but not say anything. And that's enough for somebody to catch on that something isn't right. Another thing I find helpful is when I get that feeling of sadness or emptiness I will write a tick list of all the bad things about that person in my head (obviously not say it out loud) and just walk off, it's better to do that then put your anger on them.

At the end of the day, the people around you LOVE you for who you are (well what you are) even if you don't know who that person is. Truth is, people probably love you because of how unique and different you are, how open and honest you are. We are special and we are capable of having the most amazing relationships with people, we just don't know it.

So..

Stop blaming yourself
Let it go
Other people have issues as well
Most of the stuff you think probably isn't true
There is always someone less fortunate then you
Appreciate what you have got
Whatever happens, someone will always be there for you and there are LOADS of people who understand this condition..
There are always going to be people in life that we won't get on with, won't like us - It is the same for everyone?

The main thing that sets us apart from other people is our impulses, if you can deal with that then you might even feel more normal? If that makes sense. I know it's not easy and the urge is so strong, but deep down you ARE looking for a reaction of some sort, and some of the time you won't get the reaction you are looking for.

Love yourself, except yourself, forget that horrible past,

You only get one life, and trust me... WE are capable of being more than amazing we should not waste it being self destructive

Hope this has helped...
xx


josiemaria90 josiemaria90
18-21
May 10, 2012