Rough Time (Pretty Long Confusing Rant!)

I'm having a pretty bad time at the minute, emotion and mood wise.

My older brother has been away for three weeks in America, visiting his girlfriend (whom I've just found out he's engaged to) and since he's been there, it seems like my parents and grandparents are only interested in him, especially since he's now proposed and talking about moving there permanently.

This happened a few years ago, when he went away to the RAF (Royal Air Force) and I was accused of acting jealous, spoilt and suffering from middle child syndrome. This was before my diagnosis of course, but still, it feels like the same scenario.

My brother is very selfish, and gets bored with things easily, which then makes my family annoyed for investing so much time and money in him.

My younger sister is autistic, and when she's older, and my parents have passed away, I'm going to be responsible for looking after her, and I feel like I have no choice in the matter. I'm their only other daughter, and my brother pretty much gets to do what he wants, whenever he wants. I haven't got any other options, besides dumping my sister in a home to be cared for by strangers, which isn't an option at all really! It's like my future has been decided, yet my brother can choose his.

I was kicked out of the house by my mum a couple of years ago (I'm back here now) because of my mood swings, but my brother behaves much worse than me, and he's never been tossed out into the street.

I feel like whatever I do is never good enough, and I'm never validated for my efforts. Where as my brother only has to go abroad and he's worshipped!

I've not been able to afford to keep my car on the road since I had to leave work, and nobody has offered to help me financially with that, but my family are jumping at the chance to pay for my brother to move away.

I always put myself out for my family, and I'm still treated like a child, whose opinion doesn't matter. Whatever decision I make is the wrong one, and I'm completely forgotten about, the minute my brother appears.

My brother has always been manipulative and sometimes cruel to me - calling me awful names, intimidating me, messing with my mind etc. but as soon as he becomes nice with me again, I can't stop myself from being nice back and doing things for him. I feel like a doormat sometimes.

I may be pitying myself, but I've always felt this way, and I suppose it's good to get it off my chest?

Thanks for reading if you could make any sense of it.
babyscouse babyscouse
26-30, F
3 Responses May 18, 2012

oh also, if it is you who suffers from BPD - looking after your younger sister I think wouldnt be a very functional idea. I dont know you or your sister and how you get on but - autism and BPD under the same roof with no other support? Thats a bomb waiting to go off....my first diagnosis was of aspergers, by an unexperienced psychologist ho assumed my mood swings and social quirks were down to being on the autistic spectrum, but I soon got the diagnosis that fitted the criteria of all my behaviour. Does your little sister suffer from any "outbursts"? If so I suggest you get a support worker to visit every now and again to check how you are getting on. Youre clearly fully capable and im not indicating your irresponsible in the slightest, but the behavioural traits associated with both of them mental health issues could clash badly.

Oh my word! I know exactly what you mean.

I pushed myself through school and college, even when the bad times were really bad. My brother gets a bloody medal for just enroling on a course at college (he never even attended and quit after about 4 months).

I got through learning to drive and all the theory and practical test in 6 months, and passed first time. My brother lied to his girlfriend and told her he could drive because he's just too lazy to actually go out and put the work in.

Are we just more motivated or full of less **** than people without BPD?

It is a real bitter feeling...you hit the nail on the head there. It's not a jealousy that they're getting away with stuff and doing things you couldn't dream of getting away with is it.

Me and my sister get on really well most of the time, but she can get aggressive with me sometimes and with my BPD, I can get angry and my mood swings are obviously horrendous - so it can get a bit heated sometimes.

Thanks for the advice. It does make sense to have a support worker pop in every now and again, just to check on things.

Thanks for your time in responding too. I really appreciate it!

x

Gods...my younger brother I dont know where to start...<br />
I got kicked out around 2 years ago too, going from sofa surfing to BnB and hostels....when my brother (hes 16) sits at home with my mam, and because he suffered a little bullying has refused to go to school and dropped out entirely in his vital years. He sleeps all day and stays up all night on the internet, whilst my mam doesnt even show a hint of resent or dissapointment. She says its his feet, that yeah because he has a genetic problem which means he walks on his tiptoes and the tendons in his heels are damaged - im not saying it isnt bad, btw - that he can drop out of school and get no exams and do whatever the **** he wants basically, while she still cooks his food and actually brings it up to him on a plate.<br />
The emotional pain I went through when I was his age was bad. I wasnt severely bullied, just name calling. Because of my BPD I was dubbed "crazy daisy". I still flinch seeing them words today, yet I STILL dragged myself out of bed, I STILL studied to the best of my ability. Yes, I had a few days off a week. I still found it hard to cope like say a mentally healthy person...but the days I as in I grafted to get good grades. He, however, gets to sit at home, getting the easy life, hes overweight, eats junk and doesnt move from his computer chair. It makes my blood boil with bitterness.

Lol, talk about being in the same situation !<br />
same story , me -younger one, mean elder brother who gets more importance, which is weird, shouldn't the younger one get it all ? lol<br />
i know what u feel about taking responsibility for your sister in the near future, but look at it in this way, if you're brother really is careless, and of course im sure that you love your sister to bits, so why should she be his responsibility.<br />
Clearly you will be more loving and responsible , and if you deserve a great life inspite of having some obstacle like bpd, so does she right !!<br />
And i know what u mean by the doormat thing, i do so many things for my brother, once he sugar coats everything he says i just trust him lol !<br />
ugh it's so confusing, idk if i will ever see the true and permanent side of anyone with these fluctuating perceptions !<br />
till then i say it's better if u write down on a journal, about every person and how they behave with you, and when u feel sober and sane (u know what i mean !) u can gauge if someone is taking advantage of you and get their character etched in your mind, i know its hard, but i just thought of it !<br />
Good luck sweetie !!<br />
XO

I do appreciate what you're saying - about being more responsible and capable of caring for my sister. I really AM the best one for the job, because my brother loathes children, and rarely spends any time with my sister.

I really do adore and love my sister, but as Daisy mentioned above, it's going to be really difficult with my BPD and her Autism. I think it's going to be a case of pulling my big girl knickers on, and doing the best damn job I can possibly do! :)

I suppose we just want people to like us so much, that we're willing to go out of our way and do whatever it takes to make other people happy. Maybe it's not a bad thing until we get to the doormat phase? We should really work on that....

Thanks for your time what with replying an' all, and the good luck. It means a lot!

x