This Is Only One of My Illnesses But It Is the Worse...

I am sick of being judged by "professional" because of this Diagnosis. Before I found my current doctor (who is fantastic) I was told by two psychiatrist that they wouldn't treat me because I had BPD. When I was in hospital I had nurses who kept telling me I was institutionalized despite the fact all I wanted to do was go home. There is two many assumptions about this particular disorder and it really frustrates me. BDP is an extremely varied illness. Unlike say my bi-polar yes I will have a manic episode and then I will crash, BPD is really different there are so many symptoms not everyone has the same and so it doesn’t to me seem logical to base what I might do or how I am feeling on text book crap. Though when I told them that, it was simply me being "impulsively angry" despite saying it calmly and less hostile then that actually sounds. It really got to breaking point for me while I was in hospital when they changed hands and a lot of new "fresh from the classroom" nurses came and started interpreting everything I did as a direct result of my BPD that was when I sat down with my doctor and we both decided due to my BPD hospital was no longer working. If BPD didn't have such a stigma I think I really would have benefited from that stay but unfortunately that was the end result.   

randomdriftwood randomdriftwood
22-25, F
22 Responses Apr 15, 2007

The doctors didnt even know what the hell to diagnose me with but i honestly have too say my out patient phyciatrist was ever so sweet i liked goingto him (when i was 19).

I know how you feel
Everytime I talk about my suicidal thoughts or past tries, the doctors say 'youre a smart girl, dont do it again'. and im like i cant control it! Im a borderline!

Do these physicians think that we want to be like this? Oh yes, It is a choice (insert sarcastic howl here). I have a wonderful therapist who cares about my feelings. However, things have never been easy for me even before I found out I had BPD. I always felt like I was treated unfairly or everyone hated just me. Last person picked for the team....blah blah blah. People are scared of me too.

I went to a clinic for a physical examination and when I told the Doctor that I had BPD she told me to "get over it" and when I tried to defend myself, she got all scared and called security. I don't know what her problem was. I

I'm sorry you went through that =( I know its really tough. Please help change the name of BPD to reduce the stigma & provide more accurate information about how disabling this illness is.More detail is provided on the site.<br /><br />
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Hi -Highly recommend a Cognitive behavioural therapy online program that has been developed by an Australian University. Its Free :<br />
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Great for BPD and other Pd sufferers.

I can relate to your fustration of being looked at through a text book for everything you say and do with bpd . I have borderline traits , and got the diagnose after I got the diagnoses of depression , severe anxiety and ptsd .. Then the depression got dropped to borderline traits , You do get treated to a label I feel , therapist still have alot of ignorance to bpd and show lack of respect and insight knowledge to the disorder . Not everyone experinces bpd the same way everyones a individual with it . I hope you find a understanding therapist for your symptoms . take care mishy40

My experience is that the best thing you can do with your symptoms IS learn to live with them, channel them, divert them into empowering avenues. My foolish mistake in thinking psychiactric drugs would give me a quick fix cost me everything - my friends, my family - all alienated, unable to work after being completely insane for over a year because of the drugs. I also lost all of my money and my ability to work. If you think your psychiatrists are being mean by refusing to treat you, it could be they are having a rare case of conscience and are saving your life.

I feel so badly for all of you. But I can tell you what was the worst part about being married once to someone with BPD. It was the splittimg behavior--that and the lack of communication.Its hard for most people to understand why you don't talk to us. We want to know how you feel. We want to know why you are down--or up. Because those of us who don't have it, we talk to our friends and lovers. We want to know them and we want them to know us. If you don't talk to us, we feel lonely and rejected. The splitting hurts too--especially if you do it with our friends and family. We don't understand how you can love us one minute and hate us the next. I honesty think if you would try as hard as you can to be as honest as you can about your feelings and thoughts, it would help you over come your fear and help those you love understand what drives you. I know its the fear that silences most of you--but that fear is from your childhood. Most people with BPD have had horrible childhoods. But the only way to resolve that is to talk about it. Get the poison out of your system. Be open and honest. Its the only way to gain the trust of others.

I was recently discharged too early from the hospital because "people with BPD do not benefit from long stays and it would only get worse." These professionals are supposed to be helping yet the second a borderline status is given they go running. It's not exactly a picnic for those of us with BPD.

Wow, so many people with such similar stories. I have had the same one; doctors looking at me like I have a "WARNING: BPD" sign on my head, hearing horror stories about BPD in my psychology classes ("You never want to treat a Borderline. They are the most difficult patients to deal with"), my boyfriend telling me I'm "acting Borderline" every time he wants me to shut up, etc. The stigma ads to the shame already present because of the disorder, and I'm scared to tell anyone for fear of scaring them away.<br />
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And every time I look online for support, I only find support groups for friends and family members who have to DEAL WITH borderlines. This site has more positive support than I've ever seen for BPD. It's really a relief!

yes i beilieve and am doing at this moment finding what sympoms i have and dealing with them. i am bipolor and bpd. 23 and now i know kinda how it is i see how it started coming up when i was 15. i tried killing myself because i couldnt deal with the frustration i built up with no reason and the fact i cant think straight and how to control your million emotions at once. ihave been gettin treatment for about 5 months now and i feel 60 % better, the meds are working pretty good. lets me control my mind alil. cause my emotions are not that unstable. <br />
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**** jan 26th i was dignosed, the dr told me you will control it, die or be in jail. this is a serous disorder not well known and understanood. well i lost it that night went to hospital and a yr later am here today to say doctors dont all know cause they dont live it. they might know traits but how it feels how these feelings comsume us. they become us. thats when u gotta find out before thats just you. my doctor acually said i would pro end up dead. what kind of dr does that? they dont understand as we do here.

By the way. Drs that refuse us do so because they are scared of us, that's the conclusion I have come to.<br />
Nothing they have learned has ever made them able to understand the Borderline and unlike other mental health diseases, this one is a real doozy.......... If we don't understand ourselves we cant expect anyone else to understand us, it took me years to come to that.

That is probably one of my worst problems about having BPD, the stigma. Everything I say or do is discredited because of my disease. Like sereia0099 said, They open their hearts to people who leave their kids home alone to go and buy crack. But they give us no compassion at all. That really hits the nail on the head for me.<br />
BPD people only really hurt themselves most of the time, unless they have other illnesses also.<br />
I am the nicest, sweetest most helpful person to be around, but because I have BPD I cant be trusted, Sometimes I wish I had some other disease, at least I could have someone at least try and be compassionate towards me instead of thinking I am going to pull a fast one, when people do this they actually make the BPD person worse, it enforces our mistrust issues.

I hsve to say that this is a huge fear/issue for me, as well. During a recent hospitalization, one of the nurses was kind and supportive to literally every other patient but me. She was especially solicitous of people who were receiving treatment for chemical dependency, because she was a recovering alcoholic. I, on the other hand, got constant monitoring and enforcement of every single rule, with no sympathy whatsoever. It was like she was constantly expecting me to put one over on her, when I was really just coming to terms with my diagnosis and trying to figure out how to cope. I found it amazing that she would prejudge me, with a diagnosis I had no control over, but open her heart to people who'd left their kids home alone to buy crack.

That would get anyone irritated. I would just not tell people what I was supposedly diagnosed as, and go in as a first timer next time you need the psych ward's help.

I totaly agree with you I just was discharged from a psychiatric hospital where all they seemed to do was blame everyhting on BPD, if I cried, if i laughed, if i didnt eat or sleep it was all because of my BPD. So nothing was done for it I was discharged and told that I would have to learn to live with the feelings and moods I experience

There really is something despicable about people who think they know everything about you because they know your diagnosis, or who stigmatize you because of it. This is especially true with such a general, catch-all label like borderline.<br />
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On the other hand, I wouldn't want to be treated by a shrink who thought he wasn't up to the job.

i'm really sorry that they are handling u like an experiment or ob<x>ject or something instead of like a human being...

Why is there such a stigma? Sure there are outbursts and other such things but it seems like everything I read on it mainly has support for those "dealing" with us and reading sites makes it seem like we're the most evil self involed people in the world unable to be helped.<br />
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I was diagnosed only say two months ago and was kinda taken a back I mean I knew I had depression, anxiety, sexual trauma, PTS, and other fun things but this is a new one and I'm trying to understand.

It's so true! So many sites make it seem that we're evil, such complete ****-ups that they have no hope for. Definitely helps your already crumbling self esteem..note the sarcasm -.-

You shouldn't be classified like that. Its just wrong. Those ignorant doctors only read from their text books. It would be too hard for them to go googling stuff...<br />
Anyway, I'm going to a clinical psychologist now and hope she can help with some symptoms at least.

I think that Borderline something that you can only figure out yourself. I've read thousands of symptoms, 500 of them fitting and 500 not at all. I think you have to find out for yourself which are your symptons and which aren't and then you have to go and try to fix them. <br />
My therapist says that every person is a bit Borderline. I say you cannot treat "Borderline" itself, you have to get to know you, work out your symptoms and treat them...