My Experience With Bpd

I am having a very difficult time trying to live with BPD.  It seems like this destructive force is taking over my life.  Everytime I feel I might be doing better something sets me off all over again.  I was diagnosed with BPD and depression a few years ago.  I've tried a few medications but mostly they just made me sick.  I have always felt alone and empty since I was little, and have never really felt understood.  Despite how much I want to have people in my life that care about me I always end up driving them away.  It happens again and again, and I can't stop my anger and crazy behavior even though I know that I will end up being left because of it.  And then I end up alone again with nobody at all to talk to.  I feel so much emptiness and pain and I don't know how to get away from it.  I've tried drinking, taking pills, and mutilation for temporary relief but I know these things only makes everything worse in the long run.  I can't hold together a normal life at all, I always end up dropping out of classes and quitting my jobs because I can't leave the house. My life seems totally worthless.  I don't know if I'll ever figure out how to gain control over my feelings and have a normal life.

linds34 linds34
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 23, 2007

you're not alone..

I also struggle with this everyday. Leaving the house to do anything is the hardest part. And I am a mother of two. But you mussnt lose hope. I have friends that have recovered quite well. And some of us can only get relief. But thats better than just letting it take over your life. Isnt it?<br />
Hang in there and even though I know its really hard, dont give up. Dont give into it.