I Wish I Had Known Earlier
Emptiness. Desperation. Anger. Hopelesness. Loneliness. Those are just some of the words to describe how I feel on a day-to-day basis. I was diagnosed with chronic depression at 18 and put on anti-depressents. For four years i've been struggling because I'm not getting better. And then exactly two weeks ago I decided to meet with a new therapist. A new psychologist. Someone who doesn't know me. That day, I was diagnosed with BPD. Something all my doctors had missed for four years. I'm 21 and live a struggle everyday. I feel like I have no control over my life. No control over how I feel or how I react to those feelings. It's the worst. I've read more stories in these past two weeks than I could tell you. But now I know, I'm not alone. There is a name for what is going on with me. And better yet, I CAN get better. My life can change. I wish I had known of such an illness a long time ago. I feel like 4 years of my life have been wasted. Relationships ruined, friends lost, opportunities missed, money down the drain. BUT I can win this battle. New hope! I want everyone to remind themselves, no matter how hard others try to bring you down... we have an illness. Just like cancer. There may not be a cure, but there is treatment. There is help. We are not in control of being sick, we cannot blame ourselves and no matter how hard we want to think we can, we can't fix it by ourselves. We're ill. People don't get blamed for having cancer and we will not be blamed for having BPD. Love to all. Updates and more stories to come.