It's Driving Me Crazy.

People ask me if I’m fine but they don’t care. No one cares and no one takes me seriously.

I have a pretty strong depression for over a year and I have no idea why I’m so sad. I just know it’s overwhelming me. I always feel depressed, anxious or angry. Sometimes I just feel empty. I can’t even remember how it feels when I’m happy or when was the last time I didn’t faked a smile. I can’t feel love.

I don’t like people. I hate them actually and I’m disgusted and scared when they look at me or touch me. Everytime I walk on the street I see strange people and I’m scared they will hurt me. That’s why I like to stay inside most of the time. I read, I watch movies, I do anything that keeps my mind from thinking how miserable I am.

Sometimes I see shadows or lights for a second and then I realize it wasn’t real. It’s creeping me out. Also, frequently I can’t tell if I think something or I’m saying it out loud.

I tried to go to a shrink but she didn’t even pretended to care and treated me like a rat. She just asked me about my family and after two months she expected me to be completely cured. I told her that nothing happened because all I did was talk. She said I needed more appointments but she told me she would like to see if I’m getting worse. I’m not seeing her again.

I made all the tests and it seems I have social anxiety, borderline, schizoid, schizotypal and OCPD.

All the emotions drive me crazy. I feel sad, scared, angry, hopeless, alone. And I feel it with all my body. I don’t know who I am or what I want. It’s hell inside my mind. My pain it’s never ending. It hurts when I breathe.

I just want it to stop. I want everything to stop.
Alerim Alerim
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 6, 2012

You've literally described everything about me, and it's strangely comforting. Especially since we are obviously very close in age. If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to message me.

You are far from alone with all these symptoms. Treatment takes a long time. After over a year and a half of Therapy and meds I still learn more each fortnight on where all this came from and how to control it. Understanding it was the biggest help. It must work because many times I didn't want to see the end of the day, but I am still here. I'm no doc, but would suggest a better therapist and legal meds, or at least keep talking to others on here. Stay strong and good luck.

You described almost everything I feel sometimes. It was allways before. You're depressed in first place, you need help. Sure you need antidepressants. I can't live without drugs. I know what you feel, it's physical. nothing is good. Life is terrible and all you want is shutdown. Hope you get better.