Hope

For anyone who needs hope:

It looks like there is an end to BPD afterall :)

I have been feeling odd in the last few days. Less scared, less pain. Almost reborn. I am just not ....me. I walk through my mind and hear only the echo of my footsteps. Have I won ? Where is that big ugly beast that normally rules here. The one that keeps me in chains. I am free. The walls are freshly painted, the lights are on. I can't sense it's presence.
I have some major horrible things coming up soon, so why aren't I falling apart ?

I still have so many questions, like "is bpd the price we pay for having the ability of deeper emotions and thought than others"

BPD plagued my life since childhood. It sat their in the shadows, hidden and unknown, sabotaging my life until it was recognised in it's effort to finally kill me 2 years ago. That's when it took over. It came to the forefront of my life to dominate that which it had toyed with all these years.

Will I miss it (i know that sounds weird) ? Has it just gone back to the shadows ?

Well either way, I felt I should post this for anyone who thinks like i did, that BPD will control you forever. We will survive.

:) Take care people.
AussieAZ AussieAZ
46-50, M
3 Responses Sep 13, 2012

Well its been a week now and guess what ? Still no signs of BPD. No stress, paranoia, fear. Just peace and a feeling of being lost. Now i know how a bloke who spends his life in jail feels when he is finally released, is lost, and wants to go back inside lol. I do hope it is gone for good. I feel some strength and confidene returning. Just a little. For now i appreciate my first week of calmness in as long as i can recall. I never considered what it would be like if the BPD was gone (for however long it will be). It never seemed possible at my age. I wasn't prepared. I never knew it could go away so suddenly. I don't know who i am. I think I am a good person and the extreme values I used to have seem to be a bit more realistic now. I still need to work out who i am, but at least now i know BPD can at least go vacation if not disappear for good :)

Thank you for your hope. I'm so glad that you found the end of your BPD.

Great story! Connecting with people like you on EP has helped me emmensely. I am so glad it has helped you too. It feels so great to feel as though we are helping others on here, too, doesn't it? I think all of us, myself included, should reach out more to help others because it is so healing for our souls. You are awesome, keep up the good work!