I got diagnosed with BPD sept of 2011. I had a "mental breakdown" where I attempted suicide by failing to overdose on sleeping pills I had been prescribed. I was taken to Community Mental Health where I sat with a Therapist who wanted to admit me to a psych ward. I felt awkward so I ended up going through an outpatient program with them, where it was required to follow up every week for 6 weeks. There, I sat with a MD and therapist who eventually (couple months) diagnosed me with BPD...

I feel alone, depressed, alot. Sometimes out of nowhere. I cry almost everyday, and it is still hard for me to sleep some nights. I feel I have no one to talk to. No one understands or cares about the pain I am going through.

I don't want to seem selfish or like I am craving attention. But sometimes I jus want to scream. I hate pretending to be happy when I simply am not. It seems like nothing can cure my loneliness...

I kno I am not alone with this. I just want to know how long it will take to reach a level when you get some sort of "peace" within yourself....
BorderlineMind BorderlineMind
22-25, F
4 Responses Nov 19, 2012

Miss: My friend, Stephanie was a nurse. Really a wonderful care giver! When we worked together in a nursing home, with the same patients they all loved her! She connected so well and was so loving to the elderly. I still remember the first time we stopped what we were doing because she wanted to get some decent clothes for a woman who had just been admitted. This woman had no one left in her life to help her and Stephanie was so thoughtful of her. I really admired my friend and still do for the wonderful person she is. I believe that if she can find another career with a structured environment she will do well. Any of the jobs that have a structured nature to them i would believe you could and would find reward in, especially healthcare professions. My friend got herself in trouble by stopping her psych meds a year ago and then became dependent on pain meds. She got some of these from another guy that was using her for sex. When that short relationship ended and she needed more narcotics she began stealing them at work! She got caught and that lead to her losing her license, her means of supporting herself. I ended our relationship because she was not doing enough to support herself and abusing me with guilt...."i'll kill myselfvif you don't help me". I love her but there was only so much of that i could take! Now i have retreated to a safe place where i can take care of myself. I have not talked to her in a week. Doesn't sound like much but when you see that we have been in touch almost every day for two years i believe you can appreciate how intense this has been for me! I do want to find a meeting point. Some place where we can talk and not drive each other into mutual panic, but i don't feel comfortable talking directly to her now. Miss what would you want from a friend if this was you? Would you want them to stay out of your life, do you think she feels abandoned and hates me now? Or should i send her a message asking if she wants to talk sometime?

Miss: My best friend, the woman i loved has this disorder. I had to end our relationship only a few days ago. I know you face a great challenge every day. My friend went into denial. This is what you must avoid. I make no promises here but please believe that there our loving, caring people who you will meet in your life. They can't cure you. You will have to face your fears and battle this disease. Don't do as she did. Don't blame others and push them away. Be honest with yourzelf and those who love you. I hung in two years and she never took it on herself to accept what was real and that is the only reason we our not together! Give therapy and the meds a chance...not a cure are the meds but if they can help with the anxiety and depression then you can concentrate on learning about yourself through therapy. I would glad to be your friend and encourage you. Read my story...tell me what you think.

I completely understand, reading this felt like i was reading about myself. (the whole post) im still trying to learn and deal with this disorder..ive read and have been told it was long term. I dont think u will be completely free from bpd and i dont think there are good meds for it but I can say it kinda helps to get out the house if u can everyday and do some type of activity. thats the only thing that helps me besides my childs smile. Hope that helps a lil.

I try my best to stay busy.. School. Work. And my 4 year old. I just can't get interested in anything. And even if I do something, I'm always alone. The things I want to do, my friends don't get too involved with. I try to stay positive though!

Hang in there. Hang out with people who make you happy, have fun, let loose.

Thanks, I try!