This Is The End

My partner of 4 years is leaving me. Because of my BPD a lot of stuff happened, drugs, other men, failing, falling. And he promised me he'd stand by me through everything. He promised me he'd love me through everything and we'd get married.
Now he's gone.
and im not the type of person to move on. I believe in loving someone for life. And he's everything. I begged him to stay but he just said he can't take it anymore. He says he knows the stuff I did wasnt my fault, it was my disease, but his heart is broken and he doesnt want to stay with me.
I know you all will say he doesnt deserve me and i'll find someone better but I don't believe in that. He's the first and he was supposed to be the last.
I've never hated my disease as much as I do now.
There's no life after him.
I know I'm going to try to kill myself now.
Yorkebaby Yorkebaby
18-21, F
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

The pain will ease again sometime. I say this and yet am in the same state as you. You will find the happy part of you again

I hope so.
I hope you do too
Thank you
God bless

Hey... I know nothing that I can say to you will make you feel any better about what has happened... but ive been there. I have bpd too and i ******* hate it... the person i was with for 2 years also has bpd and with treatment, ive been left alone for 10 months and i havent heard one word back since then... the last time we saw eachother was in Feb. then treatment happened and idk what even happened because shhe disappeared and i got 4 letters and nothing since the end of Feb.... I know its a bit of a different situation but the point is due to my drug use i lost the only person who understood me. the only one i ever truly did love... and now i have to get sober by force and im all alone... i cant do it alone... but please dont kill yourself... i know we dont know eachother but ive wanted to too and there was someone who saved me from myself making me realize that their are other ppl out there who really do care about you and would be feeling how you feel right now if you left them... like i said im sure it doesnt help but if you ever want to talk im here

Just the fact that there's someone out there who's going through what I go through, gives me hope. Im sorry for your pain and loss.
And likewise, Im here if you want to talk.
God bless
and thank you