I Almost Snapped Yesterday

The end of this year has been rough. I was raped in October, lost my health insurance in September, and my family is falling apart. Everyone talks **** about everyone else, my disabled aunt married a meth addict who had recently been released from prison and now he controls and spends all of her money, abuses her and will not let any of the family speak to her.

My brother and sister are terrible alcoholics with children they cant and dont take care of. My brother has 2 that were given custody of to my mom. My sister has 4, the oldest has lived with the paternal grandparents since she was a toddler, next is JoLee who is 4 and lives at home with her dad and the 18 month old twins she had.

In recent days I broke up with my fiance because my bpd wore him down, I found out "the one who got away" got married to a girl he was talking to the entire time we dated. My sister recently got pregnant and miscarried, but had horrible pains and went to the hospital where they told her half the baby was still alive and growing and had to have it scraped out. My grandmother has been in tears constantly and I can tell the stress is getting to her.

I got of off my meds a couple months ago and that was a bad idea. Last night I screamed at my nieces for being too loud and got so upset I got dizzy and my legs got weak. I had an impulse to hurt them that came out of nowhere that I managed to hold back.

Its just too much right now. I dont sleep or eat, and i get frantic when im out of weed. I dont get out of bed or the house much because I never feel like showering or doing anything. Hopefully December is better.
tmarker86 tmarker86
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 2, 2012

Hi , firstly , i would like to tell you this : i admire your strength of will and i respect you so much as a person. To go through all those things like you do , i can't even imagine what that feels like . Next, things are tough right now for you , and i understand. But what i would like to tell you is : you can do it. You can get better and you can HELP the people around you too. You CAN make a difference. The first step ? is to try and take your meds .Trust me, I know. I know how it feels , and when everything goes wrong, how can you continue to trust something that doesn't even talk ? but please, do take it . By doing so , it can help you a whole lot and i know this sounds like **** yadadas but it does . I just have so much respect for you now and i know you are strong enough to deal with all of these. I have problems myself too , and I am still young . But if you have anything at all that is too overwhelming to deal with or if you just want to talk and you dont mind talking to me, do message me anytime :)

Thank you soooo much. I am disabled fom around my 30th failed suicide attempt so i have that on top of it all. I really really appreciate your kind words. And thank you! I will msg you often, im sure.