I Feel Like I Am Going To Explode!

I have been suffering from BPD since I was a teenager. In recent years I began suffering from anxiety and panic disorder to the point that I was unable to function. I didn't know what was wrong with me for the longest time. I always felt different from everybody else and I always felt like nobody understands me. I often feel like my emotions are completely out of control. Like right now for example. I was just fine this morning, despite a rough night, and then out of nowhere BOOM! By that I mean I got so angry so fast and just kept getting more and more angry. Then I started to feel my anxiety go up. Before long, my heart is pounding, I'm shaking and I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to hit something or throw something. By this time, I seem to have no power left. I cannot get things back in control and before long I end up crying. Sobbing. This happens all of the time. I sometimes fear going to the store or whatever because what if something sets me off and I get upset. In public I sometimes just start crying and I have to leave right away. I will feel so imbarrased. I try and use my coping skills, but when you get that emotional it is often so hard to remember what I should do to calm down. I can be the sweetest person you ever met. But then there are those times that I feel like a monster. Inside and out. I would love to tell you more about myself, but it would take a book. A novel maybe! I am new to this site, new to online support infact. I truly want help. I want to be better. It just feels like I can never win, ever. As I said earlier, I often feel like nobody understands me. I desperately want to know if there are others out there that understand what I mean or am trying to say. Please help.
Debsmc Debsmc
3 Responses Dec 2, 2012

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. I have had bpd for years and understand what you are going through. Message me whenever you want and I promise I will try my best to help and support you. You aren't alone.

I don't mean to have such a short response but I've had such an emotional day and my head is splitting. I wanted to respond to you because you just described me. So yes there are others out there it just really feels like there isn't. Please don't be offended by my asking but we are in the same age range and I feel my anxiety rage out of control the most around my period. Is this the case for you? I stopped taking birth control a year ago and I wonder if I should get back on it. Bpd is the worst & having your anxiety increase as you age just makes life unbearable.

No, I am not offended. Yes, that does seem to make a difference. As I have gotten older, over the past 4 years, my anxiety just gets worse. I cannot take bc because of my migraines so they tell me. When I did, I did seem to have better control. You are the first person to kind of confirm my suspicion about these issues.

yes, I understand,,it must be very frustrating for you,,,and loose your confidence to go out and do things,fearing a attack may come on,,,and keeps you isolated and alone,,it really sucks,,i am alone now and don't like how it feels,,