Can Someone With Bpd Have Healthy Relationships?


I have suffered with BPD for as long as I can remember. From the time I was a young child I knew something wasn't right. After a long long rough road I have finally found the right treatment and medications. I still have bad days and struggle with my emotions a lot of the time. My issue now seems to be around relationships. I have had good and successful relationships in the past and within the last year ended a long term relationship. I wasn't happy in the relationship for a very long time and being on the other side of it now I can look back and see with great clarity how my BPD affected my relationship. Because I have BPD and know it can affect relationships I have for the most part steered away from them. I would like some feedback from anyone who may be able to relate to being with someone with BPD or married to them.
Two Months ago I met a man and can say with the up most certainty I have never ever felt like this before. We are going very very slow per my insistence (we haven't even kissed) mainly because I really like him and want it to be real and not be my BPD taking control.
Please anyone with feedback it would be so so greatly appreciated.
iNezRudderbutt iNezRudderbutt
26-30, F
5 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Well, I fell in love with a BPD female. She is attractive, intelligent, creative and a hard worker. She has been married and divorced twice. Our relationship lasted 3 years until she painted me black. Over the course of our 3 years, I moved in with her 4 times. Two times I moved out and 2 times she asked me to leave. My BPD has a eating disorder, she doesn't eat enough and takes laxatives, and is an alcoholic. When she is working at being good, she is fantastic, so loving and caring. She can become depressed and have mood swings at anytime. When things are calm and going well for whatever reason she will create some type of chaos. The chaos and projection, well I don't even know what it is all about. It has destroyed me emotionally. I love her with all my heart...the problem is that she won't let me in her heart. So, with that being said. I commend you for taking your relationship slow. Your goal, based on my experience, is to make yourself happy and NOT hurt the man that you want to love. Hurting that man will most likely have severe impact on him forever. It has on me. My BPD made promises to me, pleaded with me, stalked me and was in constant communication with me. When I gave in...well she split me. The splitting has crushed me and I am struggling to recover, 2 years and counting. Hope this has been helpful. Be committed to therapy, keep your promises.

Read this and the comments, and I'm feeling pretty hopeful where I havent been hopeful too much lately. Thanks :)

Theres a stop walking on eggshells workbook and a book called loving someone with bpd for your significant other, and many books for you! Theres even a dialectical behavior therapy workbook for you, and so many therapists waiting to help :) I have yet to have a healthy relationship, but I still have hope!

what are the names && authors if you know && dont mind

Hi. I have BPD, and have been married since march...honestly, you have to find the balance between reality and your emotions...meditation is great, if you're on meds that's great . For me, for the first year with my husband, I had more stability and more clarity than I have experienced in relationships previously, and seeing that and having that really let's your guard down. If all you ever do is think about your disorder, and trust me, I normally do it when wanting to be sure I'm not having a BPD moment, you'll always be a little borderline. The thing about borderlines and love is control. We don't have any...i try to have some consciously at all times. Being married is very hard some days... I often find myself thinking I am too borderline for love...but then on the days I'm happy in myself, my marriage, with his help, is a very good thing for me. I also suffer thru bipolarity and anxiety. I don't know, I feel like I'm still waiting for him to leave me or for me to fly off the handle. But it hasn't happened yet, and I'm not going to hinder my ability to live and love on the chance is does fall apart that way; I have to remind myself all the time that today i have to participate and love. I get too in my head about things that always end up getting me into too much trouble.

Good luck <3

Sure it just takes understanding mediation and talking with each other not at each other.

I just doubt myself. Everytime I meet someone I end up running away out of fear that it's the big bad BPD and not my genuine feelings. I really like this man and don't want to run.