My First Post

I have had Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms for as long as I can remember - social anxiety, depression, suicidality. This scares me because I know that many people with BPD only have it for a few years (I read only 12% have it for more than 10 years) and I've had it full-on for at least ten years now.

Things got really bad recently, so bad that even though I've never attempted suicide I attempted it in November and was admitted into the hospital again. I don't really have a lot of support, and I'm really scared that this is the way my life is always going to be - out of control.

Lately I have been wondering about residential treatment programs, since I've been in and out of DBT programs, hospitals and outpatient clinics and still don't feel like I'm "in remission" yet. I am wondering if I will ever get better - I don't want to lose hope.
dustypistol dustypistol
26-30, F
3 Responses Dec 5, 2012

I dont think it ever goes away, with therapy and medications we just learn better ways of coping. Everyday is a constant battle with ourselves. I dont have much support from others either so I know how you feel with that. I went for years not dealing with my issues because i feared that it would alienate myself from others... i reached rock bottom and have recently started to uncover my demons and i was right. I feel more of a distance from my fiance then I have ever before. I am scared every day of what i might go through, what battles i will have to fight. We just cant give in to the disease, our demons of the past. We are some of the strongest souls, forever searching for a reason.

im 48 have had it my whole life...gets worse as you get older and hormones change.its like you got pms all the time!

You just need to figure out your own coping skills and find what really works for you. I am 26 and have had bpd all my life. I am doing so much better than 10 years ago. I almost died and became disabled after about my 30th attempt. I got off my meds and then promptly got raped so I had everything to deal with and no meds. But I did it, Ive climbed to the top and drank my way down and after relying on so many meds, doctors and therapists I finally decided to see how resilient I really am and Im doing it on my own. My fiance just left me because he couldnt stand it anymore but I have a tattoo on my side that says "nobody loves me like me" and sometimes it gets too overwhelming and I say **** it and take some Benadryl to sleep through the really bad parts. Dont get it in your head that your diagmosis owns you and your life. Be perseverant and get that self esteem and self discipline up! You CAN do it :) if you ever need to talk just message me!