Recently Diagnosed With Borderline Personality Disorder And Dumped By My Psychiatrist!

Anyone who understands those with Borderline Personality Disorder know that we have a very hard time dealing with abandonment/rejection (real or perceived). I am having a hard time having been abandoned by my psychiatrist because he doesn't feel he can help me. I had an appointment with my psychotherapist after that appointment, and I was so enraged (upset) that I paid my copay and walked out on my therapist. As you can probably imagine, I was devastated, angry, confused, and wanted to do something to harm myself as I could not stand the shame. I often feel I want to disappear (I wouldn't want to make a mess), and that contributes to the shame that continues to compound. I am a successful woman with a nice home, car, friends and family that care for me. But I isolate myself because it is so exhausting to be "on" around others. All of this is a facade. The real me is nothing like the person I "show" each day. It is so exhausting and shameful, and after these recent events I really feel like I want to disappear. And I don't want to upset anyone anymore than I have, so I'll keep this a secret as well. I just don't see the point of being here.
lostlayne lostlayne
31-35
Dec 15, 2012