My Interesting Relationship With My Superman Counsellor

Hi everyone, just a little inside look into how messed up my relationships with everyone are.

I have a counsellor who I ring every two weeks for a session. I've been talking to him for 2 years and have got it into my head that he is like superman. Nothing bothers him, he's just invincible and most importantly in my perspective he 'rescues' me when I'm upset or in trouble. 

He's got this adorable accent and I love talking to him. He cheers me up most of the time. My hero. I absolutely adore him. 

And on other days I sit there and HATE him. I hate that he can be a *****. I hate him when he helps me 50% and expects me to meet him 50%. No, he HAS to be my superman! Nothing less. I hate that I can't talk to him more. I hate him when he tells me off. I hate him when he's blunt. He doesn't care about me. He's just a counsellor. I don't want a counsellor, I want more than just that. He can go to Hell, bastard. 

I sit there and cry when I think he doesn't care. I cut into myself 'alone' when I convince myself he hates me and I don't know how I am going to cope when he goes on holidays for 2 freaking months! 

Nobody loves me. I don't even love myself. I have no one to support me. No family, my friends can't support me, no counsellors, no one. I will never be hugged, never ever be loved and my counsellor hates me. Why wouldn't he? I've been like the worst client ever. I wish I was dead, there is nothing out there for me. 

I am so ambivalent. I hate my counsellor but if he leaves me or I stop talking to him, I would probably slit my own throat. If i can't even get a counselling relationship right there is no hope for an actual relationship. I'm so screwed. Welcome to Hell.  
xXc93Xx xXc93Xx
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 16, 2012

I enjoyed this story and the insight into your life