Can An Adult Be Repaired and Start From Scratch ?

So here I am 27 years young. Reliving my wierd childhood, not in the present moment. Feeling hat done by in ways. Why are so many people my age living normal lives, happy in their own skin? Why did I have to be so ****** up. Never going forward, only masking over problems then causing everyone around me to collapse too.... As I've controlled the life around me , to protect my insecurities.
Then again, why are people starving - and being abused- things aren't fair.

It still doesn't stop me thinking - although I am only one person of many suffering from issues/ problems - why can't I have a better life. I mean I have so much .... Sooooo much . A lovely mother, sister, father, cousins, a home, food , good people around me ...... But yet my demons have to hold me back from appreciating them and enjoying them.

I have alot of therapy . ALOT .... To do if I am ever going to be able to live a normal ( semi normal) fulfilling life...... Maybe 5-10 years. Maybe forever..... And I will constantly feel ... I should be doing what others my age are doing??? Not hiding away..... But I suppose that's what other people with similar issues think. People who are in hospitals etc....

So if a child can go wrong at a very early age .... Not develop emotionally or socially properly , but live an unstable existance of cover ups for 27 years....... Can it really all be reversed? Can I go back to where it could've all gone wrong .. And start again...
Can I build a trust I never had!?
Can I learn to relate to others in a normal way, not wearing masks?
Can I unlearn all the bad behaviours I picked up as a child?
Can I learn to not be a selfish controller of the world around me?
Can I learn to love and feel compassion for those around me??

Can I turn the greatest FEARS.... Into love.....

If I can ...... And if I do..... I believe anything is possible......

If it does manage to happen ..... I will be helping others to do the same.......

As I will know how it feels to feel a completely lost, terrified, disturbed and empty person.......
And with the new found compassion.(. I might just find..).... ... I will be able to bring others out of the dark whole of despair........

But for now..... I have to find a way of getting me out first.
Changeneeded Changeneeded
26-30, F
Jan 8, 2013