It Is Scary When You Feel Yourself Lose Your Mind

Two hours ago i was crying my eyes out on the bathroom floor, begging Jesus to take away my pain followed up by me purging my guts out in the toilet. Now Im comfortably in bed under the covers with a content smile on my face as if the last two hours did not exist. lI'm trapped on an emotional roller coaster. The constant switching of moods is by far the one thing I cannot stand with bpd, not only does it trick and confuse me but it fools ppl around me. No Im not crying for attention ( how badly i wish i was) I'm clinically insane. I want to go back to the psychiatric ward and rot for the rest of my days, that or fly off my 21 stories balcony. Because living is no longer an option for me.
Promise2290 Promise2290
22-25, F
5 Responses Jan 10, 2013

You know I go through this too, I don't purge but that is probably just a self harm thing it releases the pain you feel and u feel better. Then u r ok. I went through this a couple days ago I flew into a rage then I hated the feeling so intense of being a non person I cried and wish to god to take me why does he want me to live this way! I hate the hopeless feeling the rejected feeling the so fng intense feeling it really really hurts! I used to not know why I am this way and now I know I wish for help but I cannot get it, so I have to say to myself this is not really how you feel it's not real what you say it's not true because I really do not want to die, or to leave my husband or my kids. But it is where my mind takes me if I am not engaged when I am like this I will b fine shortly but if someone should argue or say something it can be days of foul ess or I will withdraw to not say mean things but I often will invert what someone is saying if I do not openly recognize my cycles or the situation. It will pass but I had to learn how to self sooth to take away or lessen the time spent in this state and it's better but still very strong when it comes on. Try to say affirmations or do a relaxing thing or think of someone holding you or for me lighting candles n incense help my transition and to write so I understand my thought processes better.

DBT is the most well-researched treatment for BPD. This is the site my therapist instructed us to use for general information about DBT and if we miss a session of group: BPD is devastating for those who suffer from it. Also look into mindfulness.

Distract yourself. Watch a silly movie, read a comic book, listen to upbeat music, think of all those beautiful things (and people!) waiting for you out there in this big bad world. You are not alone. And where there is life, there is hope!

I know I cant help you in any way...all I can do is tell you I know what you feel and that it does go away! Please, if you are here that means a small part of you still feels some hope. Just like yesterday I was feeling extreme rage and now I don't even care if my life lasts or not. ( in half an hour I will probably be crying again)

i know you may feel miserable. but dont harm yourself. maybe what you need is to just get away, take a vacation. go explore a new place. or bury yourself in a new hobby. i find it always helps to keep busy. and there is nothing wrong with seeking help.