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Emotional Wreck!

If someone was to ask me how I'm feeling right now I'd probably say "i don't think there's a word for this emotion".

i spent the evening in bed crying and i have no idea WHY!

2 hours later i found myself giving a subconscious somewhat harsh pep talk to myself to get up and stop being pathetic, so i dragged myself out of my bed, wiped away my tears and decided to follow the noise of laughter downstairs and join the rest of my family.
i didn't even last 5 minutes... I've never felt so out of place! seeing the smiles on their faces and trying so hard to join into one of the million conversation topics flying across the room, in addition to faking a smile so hard that my face began to ache...I FELT LIKE A COMPLETE FOOL! >.<

So i got up and walked off upstairs, slumped back into my bed and carried on crying till i fell asleep...it's the only thing that felt normal.

no one should have to put so much effort into being a part of their own family, it shouldn't be so difficult should it?
VoicelessVoid VoicelessVoid 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 13, 2013

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Not all mental illnesses are incurable, some are are not.
However I agree that no one should have to put up what one goes through, when suffering from mental illness(es).

unfortunately there is no cure for bpd.

Well, I did not say that BDP is curable, however treatment can go as far to remission and being good as symptom free. So lets not loose all hope. Ever tried "Mindfulness" it may not cure you, but it can help with coping and accepting oneself. Hey, I sound like I am cure, but I am not. However one essential tool to recovery is hope. Also I felt one should not put such definite generalisation. Who know one day we can be cured.

I have bpd, too...it sucks, frankly! But there's no cure...mental illness is incurable. I was under the care of many psychiatrists in rome, italy and in new york city. After many years of unsuccessful medications I gave up. I'm as sick as before...but I don't have the side effects to put up with!