Uncontrolled

My soul empty, numb.
My heart full of regrets.
Thoughts: deadly & dead.
Anger: extremely intense.
Honestly didn't know.
At age 16, admitted suicide.
Everyone thought I was okay,
A young child seeking for attention,
love.
They didn't know what I saw.
They didn't know how I felt.
They thought it was for a girl,
a girl who I had fall to love.

Abandoned, left to fend for myself.
Had to learn to recover on my own.
Here and there, I continued to cut.
No one knew all they see are smiles.

3 Years later, the thoughts got stronger.
Planned to end at age 21.
Had to wait two more years,
Success in career and learn to drive.
Never happened cause was delayed,
Felt like a failure more and more.

At age 22, something happened.
Had some fun with some friends,
A trigger so immense destroyed my mind,
Told myself: this was the end.
Why I live? I don't know.
Why I am here? I cannot say.
Who saved me? The same person who hurt me.
Who I trust? No one.
Is this the end, the trouble the thoughts?
No, the scars remember me of that night.
The night I was confined,
And left to die.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

i couldn't have put it in more clearer words myself...i can relate to this in every single way...in my own way i find it almost beautiful.