Breaking Out Of The Darkest Periods..

Hello there,

I am just looking for some words of advice. I would like to know how people manage their feelings when they hit a particularly low point, constructive methods. I have methods in place for distraction, some productive, most destructive. I go to therapy, analyse myself and I have spent long periods of time researching and reading up on overcoming these difficulties. It is the darkest moments, the emptiness that consumes me and when it does I can never seem to shake it for a long time. I engage in physical tasks, I attempt to reassure myself, I have read to ride it out like a wave but I can't relate that to my experience. What does that even mean? I have started new hobbies, quit drug habits and alcohol for long periods of time but none seem to prevent the looming doom of emptiness.
I haven't been in a committed relationship for almost two years, which has been very tough but the reason predominantly being I don't want to inflict other people with my issues. I have had undisclosed interests in people though, I tend to be quite particular, it is at these times that I feel at my most motivated like nothing can stop me. However, during these periods I have ignored the BPD because it just doesn't seem to be apparent, I feel cured! Until of course I act irresponsibly and push the other person away and everything spirals out of control, however aware I may be of my actions at the time. I'm trying really hard to resolve this and cope, while at the same time trying to remind myself not to give myself too much of a hard time, reaching this balance seems almost impossible.
Any input at all would be very much appreciated. Thank you for reading.
lemmiwinks7 lemmiwinks7
26-30, F
3 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Hi lemmiwinks7.Im a 36 year old married mum of 3.I have bpd and bi polar and I'll admit I still struggle alote.like you I read up alote on bpd and find that recognising my behaviour patterns and facing them head on is something that helps me.I'm not too hard on myself anymore because I realise that I need to love myself to begin any healing within.my teenage years and early twenties were very hard as I only got diagnosed in my early thirties,I wish I knew about bpd then.having a support network such as close friends and family that know our story is also very important.we are unique,intensely loving and caring individuals lemmiwinks7.I now look at my bpd as a gift,with the internal hell that I've gone through and still do it has given me an insight and compassion that is real.

All my life i'v been fobbed off and told i have depression since I was 15 and i got diagnosed recently with borderline and emotionally unstable personality disorder. I have suffered a lot of episodes where i'm at the biggest high and the next hour I can experience a depressing feeling. It can be very hard to come to terms with feeling like this. I'm looking to meet and chat to others with borderline and help each other figure things out :)

i know exactly how you feel

I've been in your situation before and I can say that I may stil be in a similar situation. What you need to do is open up to your friend. Let them know what is going on. I spent a lot of days thinking that I could overcome this BPD in secret but when you let people who care about you know it's easier to overcome BPD because you have support. I know its scary to open up and it took me a while to open up to my friends and to be honest my friends came looking for me because they knew something was wrong. People who care about you will support you but only if you ask. Talking about it always helps

Thank you for what you said, that's useful advice, I have only recently become aware as to how important that support is. I have struggled with the label, sometimes it's comforting to know that I'm not alone with my thoughts and feelings and other times it feels like I'm trapped in this destructive cycle because of the label. Reflecting on the situation I have realised that I am still an individual, I have been labelled because I display behaviours but I am not going to let this define me for the rest of my life. What I said in the post may have come across as negative but I want to improve my quality of life, I have to try to stay positive so thank you for the advice

Yes! that's the perfect attitude to have, however don't lose sight of what you really want because when your in your depressed state it can easily be over shadowed.