Rev #1 Normal


Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the standards of normalcy. Ideas and thoughts of what made me so different, created questions I had no answers to. It was the life I had lived that made it all too surreal. It appeared like my mind had been so vague at describing the few good qualities of my life.
Thoughts of my fractured mind flow like waves in the sea, no synchronization and no purpose, but there nonetheless. Clashing thoughts of idealization or devaluation become a constant change for what seems like an eternity. My life is driven by the impulsivities that created my borderline personality. Emptiness consumes the space of what used to be held dear to me, fun activities, loved ones, even simple tasks.
There is no color. My thoughts remain only in black and white. The downward spiral that followed my diagnosis enraged the lack of emotional stability and carried me on this voyage into the deep and endless ocean. Giving in to weaknesses and temptations became a daily struggle as I was drowned by the never-ending waves cascading over me. Every piece of sadness was washed down by the alcohol infected beverages. The bottom of a bottle is all too lonely for someone with the dependency of a child. Numb to the world, or so I thought, I had let myself become a victim of a clinical statistic. I had become that boat set out to sea never to return.
With judging eyes following me, I wanted to prevail above this. At that very moment I knew that normal is different for everyone. We all have our views of how people should be. It was not until now that I realized I was where I needed to be in my eyes.
Weeks turned into months as I went through therapy and happiness came over me like a flood. It was as if the reassurance of a stranger made all the difference. If we are who we make our self out to be, then the unachievable goal of being normal was never the issue. It was who I was all along.
22-25, M
10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

Self -acceptance.:)

It takes all of us a long time in our lives to mature into the people we determine we want to be. A long time regardless of our specific situations or conditions and the resulting struggles we encounter to lay out a map of our morals, boundaries, ethics and pleasures that are discovered within the parameters of those.

I think the failure and difficulty actually comes into play when, “We all have our views of how people should be” when we should only have our own personal judgments of how we should think we should be. Not judge or be judged by others. Not be affected or offended by the ones who will always judge. That’s freedom of soul and action defined into its proper perspective. Even walking a mile in another’s shoes doesn’t give us the experience of the other thousands of miles they have walked prior to and will walk afterward.

Personally, I’ve never been religious but have certainly studied all the major religions for explanation and definition on my path. I chose the path of the New Testament and His teachings as the direction I felt most comfortable with inside my own skin. I’ve practiced them (without preaching them) every day of my life and in every given situation. That’s not always easy when the temptations of the world are spread out at your feet either. They’ve always served me well to be liked, respected and to most of all respect myself, like who I am and what I do for and with others. Mind you, there’s a lot to be said in both Buddhism and Confucianism as to having good personal practices.

Not about religion or being religious, it’s about following a moral compass that can lead you to happiness and contentment inside your own mind and skin.

As hilerandom said, “Too many people try to stuff themselves into little boxes labeled "normal", and they cut off parts to fit.” (Very well put I might add.) It’s better not to look at others to emulate, but inside yourself to find what brings truth and happiness to your heart and peace to your soul. When you find that you find just how easy it is to share that with others.

It looks like you’re on that path/ your path and I’m really happy for you LostinBPD.

<3 That was deep and beautiful.....I am so proud that you have accomplished the feat that was bestowed in you!!! God speed!!! :)

Right on target for me!

How do you know how I feel? Your way with words.. you expressed what I never could..

omg EXACTLY! you captured it right too

amazing...I am happy it turned around for you... You did not give up. I hope you also had a great support network...friends, partners..

Too many people try to stuff themselves into little boxes labeled "normal", and they cut off parts to fit.

hmm.... i think, that our lives are spent looking for understanding and for someone to say that its wonderful to be who you are.

YES MAN. This is the **** that NEEDS TO BE HEARD. I'm so glad i took time to read this I can feel this man I really can. The whole opening was like a fraction of a piece of a novel written inside my own head. Not quite as what those have diagnosed you with but you're right to think how you do. Don't let them break you man I've been there I've been in a mental hospital and that's what they try to do. I'm enlightened a stranger made all the difference as just the kindness of someone you don't know someone who just cares to care that shows the world isn't so corrupt and bad....sometimes is all anyone needs. Don't stop thinking how you do keep your head level as you can not to high or to low level to YOUR standards not there. Love this man God bless.