I Have Borderline Personality Disorder
It is just today that I have realized that I have BPD. I first joined EP when I seen that their was a group of people that dealt with having schizophrenic mothers. Once i reached 10 I knew for sure that something was different about me and later I figured that my mothers genes had mixed up a life ruining concoction for me to have. The people in "I have a schizophrenic mother" group didnt seem to have the same problems that I have so that lead me to think maybe I was just making everything up. I set out on the web to find whats wrong with me and like others every description of a mental disorder describes you perfectly , Ive been a nympho,bipolar,majorly depressed and everything.After I joined my church my problems seemed to go away,I loved being a group where i felt i belonged and everyone loved me and wanted me around. I recently got married and moved to a new state where I don't know anyone and for any person mentally ill or not that's hard ,right? I would notice slowly my depressive chained thoughts were coming back,When my husband goes to work i sit on the couch all day and tell myself that he doesn't love me and I deserve to be alone. I never get any text or calls and that makes me feel like I was fading off the earth, my existence is slowly dying and no one cares about me. Random moments of the day I feel the need to just get up go like i need to change my life's path to escape this unhappiness which is kind of what fueled my unexpected marriage to i guy i new for only a month.One day i feel that he loves me just as much as i love him and others i feel that I am a nuisance and he wants me to leave. Last night I left bed for a few drinks,just to depart from my chained thoughts so i could sleep, by the time i was on my 6th shot my husband came down stairs and that started the rest of everything. I dont remember much but their was alot of crying and telling him to kill me, then pleading for him not to leave me. I feel like because that happened that right now he is questioning if we should stay together. Ive been like this ALL of my life and I dont want to put this all on him but Id probably die if we broke up..it seems that only BPD can make you hate both sides of the outcome to a problem...
By:
meee000
Age:
18-21
,
Female
