Relationship Disaster

I hope I'm at the right place asking for help because frankly I feel very confused and need some advice. For the last few months I have been seeing a guy who on and off will talk to me. He will be amazingly sweet tellin me he needs me in his life and wants a serious future with me and then a week or so later stops replying to my messages. Recently he told me that his mom has abandonment issues and has hoarding birds so she won't feel alone again. He on the other hand keeps questioning me about whether in not I will stay and wonders if I'd leave him when he is the one who shuts down every so often. I'm wondering of he maybe has the same abandonment issues or something similar as won't commit in fear of being left alone?!? Can someone please help me?
Helplessfriend Helplessfriend
31-35, F
3 Responses Apr 4, 2013

He may be scared to enter a relationship as he has seen his mother with abandonment issues, and may think that that may effect your relationship, try just sitting down and talking to him, if things are meant to be they'll work themselves out, if not maybe there's someone else, you're just waiting to find them x

I have tried talking to him, or at least asking if he shuts down because of something that I've done because there's something bothering him. He never talks about it just says he's sorry and it won't happen again. I want him to know that Im here for him but I don't know how else Ti show that

Soo...this guy definitely has his own abandonment issues. Also, he's seems scared of actually progressing in a relationship. Try calling him often, but not creepily often. It may help to establish that you are a permanent thing in his life. Best of luck.

I asked that question a few months ago if two insecure people could make each other secure in a relationship....

The thing you need to ask yourself is how hard BOTH of you are willing to put in the time and work it will take to make each other feel safe, secure, and respected. It can be done....and I wish you nothing but the best.

Thank you so much. He was recently ing me he wants a family as can see that with me, but I'm not sure how I can let him know that I don't want anyone but him. And I'm not sure how to communicate this change in fear it will push him away