In Relationships

With me it's always worst when I'm in a relationship. Whenever my SO don't tell me they love me every ten minutes I feel that they don't and I get scared that I will be rejected. And whenever they are annoyed about anything and don't tell but just rush off and talk to me bad-tempered I think it's because of me and that they don't love me anymore. And because of that I get sad and even angry most of the time... 

GothGrrrl GothGrrrl
18-21, F
8 Responses Jun 6, 2007

I do the same. I pushed away the love of my life and now im stuck. Moving on isnt an option.

Yes, I hear you. I just pushed away a very understanding man away, he told me I needed help, but he was very sweet about it, although it was the end of us. He told me half way through our relationship that every time he started to develop feelings, I pushed him away with my insecurities and anger. I would flip from one mood to the other, I was reading my phone one day one minute I wrote thinking of you, cannot wait to see you and the next I am writing not sure if this is working for me, maybe it is better we quit here. He told me that he could not keep up, but he knew to just ignore the bad messages because I would always come around. I put this guy through so much. I still text him, but now he rarely responds, so I hope my self esteem clicks in soon, before he changes his number. I just want to be cool ;-)

Im exactly the same, I cling on so much that now im single I actually cant see why anyone would want me. I am so scared to fall for anyone again because I know what will happen Its always the same, I will cling, il get angry, il allow myself to be used for sex because it might make the person love me!!! I dont think there is a man on this earth patient enough to stick with me.

I am the exact same way, except I have managed to stay in a relationship for 5 years..and I'm around your age. <br />
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Yes, it is so much worse I think, when you are intimate with someone else, because not only are you trying to figure out your own feelings, but someone else's.. and when fights arise, you're mood doesn't only affect your actions, but theirs..<br />
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The only reason my relationship has lasted is because we've both been crazy inlove with each other since we were young teens.. gone through everything together, so we've learned to accept everything about each other. But I could bring up 100s of fights we've had that nearly ended our lives.<br />
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So I know it's easy to feel lonely/depressed when you don't have a significant other, I've always said I'd KILL myself if I lost my boyfriend (bpd makes you so attached & fear seperation), but if you want a healthy and possibly life-long relationship you can't get in one until you've gotten healthy yourself. I truly understand what it feels like to be needy, feel alone even when you're with someone, but like I said - until you become confident about yourself, you could never feel confident about your relationship with someone else. Self-esteem is everything.

Hi -Highly recommend a Cognitive behavioural therapy online program that has been developed by an Australian University. Its Free : moodgym.anu.edu.au/<br />
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Great for BPD and other Pd sufferers.

I hear you so, so much. I am the same.<br />
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For me its like the second he leaves, I have no reason to exist. The second he is annoyed with me, I fear he is leaving. If he leaves, I fear he will do something horrible like cheat on me (even though he never has).<br />
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Its difficult at times to determine whether our insecurities are down to our BPD or whether they are down to justifiable reasons.

I hear you so, so much. I am the same.<br />
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For me its like the second he leaves, I have no reason to exist. The second he is annoyed with me, I fear he is leaving. If he leaves, I fear he will do something horrible like cheat on me (even though he never has).<br />
<br />
Its difficult at times to determine whether our insecurities are down to our BPD or whether they are down to justifiable reasons.

this is definetely sad. have you been hurt alot?