Hello? I'm In Here I Swear to God I Am

A phone conversation I just had with my boyfriend went something like this:

Me: Hello?
Bf: Hey i saw that you called
Me: Yeah, what's going on?
Bf: Not feeling so hot, came home from work, took some benedril and passed out
Me: Do you need a cuddle buddy tonight?
Bf: no, not really babe, i'm not up for it, i didn't sleep well last night, i just want to crash
me: what did I do wrong?
bf: nothing babe, I'm just not feeling well
Me: I'm sorry i didn't mean to bother you, I'm going to go
bf: no, no babe tomorrow when you get out of work?
me: i guess, but why not tonight?
bf: i just  want to sleep by myself tonight
me: i'll do anything! i'll sleep on the floor if you want!
bf: haha no babe don't do this, i'm sorry i just need to rest up tonight
me: why, do you not sleep well when I'm with you?
bf: no i do, it's just, ugh, babe i'm sorry i'm not up for it
me: i'm sorry i failed you, i didn't mean it i swear!
bf: honey, you did nothing wrong, you know i love you right?
me: yeah, well, i guess... i think..
bf: to the moon and back to the stars babe I love you so much
me: but i'm crazy
bf: no you're not, you're wonderful, you just had a lot of ****** people hurt you and are really gun shy as a result
me: you'll get sick of me and leave me
bf: no i won't
me: that's what everyone else said
bf: i'm not everyone else


the thing is: I was TOTALLY cool with the fact that he wanted to be by himself tonight, but i proceeded on with my insecurity ramble. I don't get it, and I don't get how to stop either. This relationship means the world to me and i'm so petrified that i'll ruin it (like all the others) that I am ruining it (like all the others)

and I just beat myself up over little things all the time

*sigh*
polkadotsandbubbles polkadotsandbubbles
18-21, F
5 Responses Aug 7, 2007

omgness thats so much like how I sound. Glad I am not alone.

I have had so many conversations like this.

This sounds like the conversation I have with my BF all the time.

I know exactly what you mean. I can't even help it, no matter how i REALLY feel, I'm constantly acting like this crazy, immature insecure girl that I don't even know!

Wow...sounds like conversations I could very well have had with my best friend.