Hi everybody. I've been reading a lot of your stories and they hit home with me. I see a lot of my views and experiences in your posts.

I've suffered on and off with mental problems for about 6 years or so, since getting out of an abusive relationship. I was originally diagnosed with depression and that was probably accurate at the time.

However, a couple of years ago, I was badly suicidal. I had the good idea to go to my doctor about it though. I had tried about 3 different anti depressants at this time and spent a good half hour bawling my eyes out to my doctor. I was referred for immediate psychiatric evaluation and the doc came to the conclusions that I was either suffering from Bipolar or BPD.

From time to time I do suffer from the arrogance/overconfidence experienced in mild bipolar and have the depression also from time to time, but I identify more with the characteristics you guys have been reporting - the extreme love/hate for partners and families, I have rapid mood swings, inappropriate anger ( and subsequent guilt afterward), always feel empty /bored. In the past I had real abandonment issues, not so much now. I'm not really sure of who I am or what I want and do tend to have strong opinions (but again these change!)

I'm not asking for anybody to diagnose me, as I know you can't do this. I just wondered if any of you have any advice for me to approach my doctor about this again, as my partner is becoming concerned, and I'll be honest - I am too, I am emotional pendulum and it swings without warning. I can be so angry or despondent, then an hour later be chirpy again, with no real reason for it, then as soon as something a little unideal happens, bam, anger/irritation again

My partner has commented on how sensitive I am to criticism/ perceived criticism. I just last week had a real bust up with somebody in work over something they said that I though came across as criticism (it apparently wasn't)

Any thoughts/ advice on how to go about this would be fab. Please know I don't take this illness lightly, I just want to know how to get the ball rolling again as I don't exactly wanna go in to my doc and suggest I have this as I doubt they'd take me seriously!

Thanks
Pheebs1990 Pheebs1990
26-30, F
6 Responses Aug 31, 2014

I think it takes a long time to really truly diagnose someone with BPD correctly. For years I'd been treated for PTSD and depression and after 2 years my doctor finally diagnosed me with BPD.

Also, characteristic of Borderline versus other mental disorders, or just being plain moody, is our constant suicidal and self harm behaviors. You didn't mention any of these. And these symptoms r the worst man!!!

You should do more research on BPD and see if how we get it (our adolescence and environment) fits with u too. Since our symptomology can be indicative of so many things, it is important you get professionally diagnosed

Pheebs I feel for the position and undefined place that you find yourself in. I know although it isn't the diagnosis anyone truly wants to hear I can tell you that it was probably one of the best things that every happened to my wife, myself and our relationship together and with others the day my wife's diagnosis was confirmed. Knowing and being able to learn and share together in a relationship with this challenge is everything to the success of the relationship. On a personal level for my wife after all the years of turmoil, problems, fears, challenges and questioning, after all the misdiagnosis over the years and misguided therapies she is glad to now recognize, acknowledge and be working on a therapy program she feels is benefitting her. It is. It's benefitted both of us through learning and changing the things about ourselves that challenged our relationship so much.
We did a couple of online tests for BPD together, a rather simple one and then a complex lengthy one. She didn't tackle the hard answers based on anything at all to do with our relationship or us. I asked her not to consider that when answering so it didn't affect her answers. She answered based on all the feelings she's had since childhood and different experiences prior to even meeting me. By the end of the testing she recognized so much about this testing being the way she's felt that she was open to the possibility.
You say "I don't exactly wanna go in to my doc and suggest I have this as I doubt they'd take me seriously!" I'm not sure that would be the case if you were to go see a psychologist about testing and you told him what your suspicions were. It opens the door to his questioning in the right direction and also allows him or her to know that you're open to the possibility. Many times professionals are timid to approach the diagnosis with a patient.
This is what my wife did and they took what she thought seriously, listened and after her testing was over did diagnose her with BPD after so many other wrong diagnosis over the years. I also believe that at that time of her life she was also willing to go in more honestly and openly with the doctor because she was in such a desperate state after having so much happen to her.
Thew only advice I can give with regard to your boyfriend is to maybe talk about the possibility but I wouldn't dwell on it until I had a diagnosis.
There's the other side of this to also look at. If you feel that you've read enough to recognize borderline-like tendancies and feel it applies to you than looking into information that helps someone with those tendancies certainly isn't going to harm you. We all grow and go forward to change and better ourselves by learning.
Be courageous and brave, be yourself and tell the truths about your real experiences, feelings or lack of them Pheebes. The best to you and to your boyfriend going forward and both of you make sure you take the time to be good to yourselves and to each other.
Keep in touch. There are a lot of really good people here that are here when you need them.

Your doctor must take you seriously.
When we go to the doctor too often we do not tell the whole picture and just report the aspects we remember and come away thinking, "I wish I had told him/her this and that."
My thought is that you write out the details that you have written here and take them with you to the doctor so he can read at the beginning of the consultation. This way the doctor will quickly get a more complete picture of the problems you are facing and then hopefully will be able to come up with a solution for you. If his solution doesn't work then you need to go back again or even seek a second opinion. I hope this may be of some help.

That certainly is true Rusham, I always forget to mention a couple of things. I'll be sure to take with me an account of things that have been happening lately also.

I'm a walking encyclopedia of mental issues. I'll answer anything I know.

Your story sounds so much the same as mine. Diagnosed as depression for years till
it got worse and they decided it must be bipolar or BPD. The good news is that when
they knew what to call it, they could work on fixing it. The anti depressants just made me sick all the time, but Sodium Valproate helped calm me in the end and keep the outbursts in check until I learned "mindfullness techniques" and eventually found my own way to regain control. It's a very scary journey. I also recommend "i hate you dont leave me" and researching schematheropy. Zen meditation is also good for those times when the demon wants to take over. Best of luck