Love Or Obsession

OK it's been barely a month and i am in love with this guy, he also feels or just says hes in love. he is very convincing, i think hes a little crazy too! he has been to a mental asylum for 6 months for depression and use to be addicted to drugs. I love how clingy and jealous he trys to be, but i am not sure if this relationship is healthy, if i am borderline he maybe a little borderline himself. Can two borderline people work out together? we are both trying to make the best of our lives school, work, etc. I am going on this huge trip in the summer and he is going. he was suppose to go to the  navy, but now wants to go with me. It's a very intense relationship and it's only been a month. I don't know if I'm overreacting or is this a relationship doomed for catastrophe. pls comment i need advise.

maniachick maniachick
18-21, F
9 Responses Mar 25, 2009

my wife has bpd and after 8 years of marrage she finally got the diagnosis before this happened it was a very intense relationship and my wife had other factors that has deepend this illness for 8 years it was un-diagnosed so no medication or help on top of all this we had a child together 8 years ago and my wife had bleeding problems from the birth for 5 years we was told there was a 1% of her been caught pregnant again and at 28 was booked for a hysterectomy...but she got caught and we had a daughter together....my wife would always say i didn't pay her attention and she'd say i was doing things in my sleep ie sleepwalking,spit in her face,and even hit her in my sleep i was told i was mental by her and if i didn't get help she'd get me out the house...so i took her word and went for help.when i explained to the docs what she said i'd done they were v.concerned i had an mri scan and another were they flash lights in my eyes to record something it all came back clear....we always argued and she'd always ring the police when i didn't know ie going to toilet and shops half an hour later theres a knock at the door and theres the police..my wife would totally lay thick la<x>yers of bs to the police and was i given cautions until one day i'd worked hard all day and was knackered kids in bed we watched top gun after a few drinks i crashed i woke up 4 hours later in bed with 4 coppers around me saying i was under arrest for assult it turned out my wife had a black eye according to her i'd swung my left leg out on the settee and kicked her in the head i denied it and tried telling the polioce about past things and i asked if i kicked her in the head how come her glasses weren't broke or bent surely the fr<x>ame would have left a mark they had none of it i was sentenced to 8 weeks in prison.after release we moved for a fresh start i decorated top to bottom worked my balls off and still she weren't happy....this was a woman who wouldn't show no emotion to me i couldn't start sexy nights i had to ask if she was in the mood she drank alot(vodka) and no matter how **** her family tret her she adored them and would do anything to be with them you can imagine how empty i felt after years of this her family hated me because of the lies she kept saying so she'd get sympathy,my family don't want nothing to do with me because i went to jail....6 weeks after decorating the house the worst two weeks of my life happened we had 3 house fires in 2 weeks 2 fires while the kids were in bed. the night of the third fire was the strangest she'd organised a really nice night, takeaway sexy underwear we played cards with forfeits we laughed we drank and later we had the best sex in 8 years of marrage i never knew she was like that it was amazing...afterwards my wife went downstairs to make me and her a *** but before she came back upstairs she lit a fire in the living room slightly opened a window and came back upstairs and she gave me my *** 10 mins later the smoke alarms went off i ran downstairs and it just thick black smoke after that i expained this to the police and she was arrested she was released on bail she was saying it was to do with the landlord he wanted us out she'd told police people often hung around the house late at night and this is who did the fires so the police let her come home....i got us another house luckily i was painting a house at the time and we moved in there....6 weeks later she came home from town with her family she was in a fowl mood and wanted to argue i ignored her and went upstairs 5 mins later my son came running upstairs "mammy has rang the police"they came and my wife stood up and casually told police that she wanted to admitt to the cime the fires she was arrested and sectioned to a mental hospital it was then that they'd diagnosed this bpd....she is now in prison for 2 years she is now on 3 controlled drugs for life and has intense councilling and is on the mend....social services made me leave burton and return to hull with my two children they gave me 24 hours to do this or the kids would be put into care...so i packed two suitcases of clothes all social services gave me was a train ticket all my furniture the kids toys quilts all had to stay it was awfull....2 years on i've not had one police car to my house my kids grades have shot through the roof and life feels very empty but normal i never knew how bad bpd was until i went on the net....borederline sounded like well you have bpd but you don't it's a confusing word i now know that i wasn't to blame and if this was found several years ago what life would we have...i love this woman deeply and would want her to come home to the kids and me a lot of people say i'm mad but it's mental health she's suffering from and now it's been diagnosed and medicated and the aftercare she gets could be the start of a new and exciting life together bpd is so destructive it's never mentioned in newspapers ,doctors don't explain what bpd is properly i've been told i need counciling i don't because i know it wasn't me what i would like is for the police her family and my family to understand what happened and apologise i understand what happened now and after plenty of research i feel better seeing whats wrong with my wife....she is now aware and is so sorry to me and for what she put me through and i can forgive her because after learning about bpd and seeing it weren't my fault i feel if the authorities saw this years ago they could've helped me so i can help my wife and care for her.....and to conclude my wife was sexually abused by her uncle for 7 years when she was 2, her dad hung himself when she was 12,her mam was suffering depression and alcohol misuse and my wife was looking after her mam her younger brother and had a full time job....she's had 10 mischarages(3 with me),was alcohol dependant(vodka)she bleed for 5 years had a hysterectomy at 28...these are not excuses these are facts and thats the point. if my wife didn't have bpd i would have run a mile with the kids and never seen her again i believe she deserves thee last chance if the doctors had picked this up years ago then it might never have got so out of hand(and i wouldn't have gone to prison) but then if bpd was explained by tv documents newspaper articles etc i would've understood a long time ago....in all these years i had it down that i thought she was suffering from post natal depression, oh dear how wrong i was thanks for reading this.

i think you both should get married and have little psycho babies togethor, and then see that yall are no good for each other,. <br />
P.S. i lover your hair :)

i think you both should get married and have little psycho babies togethor, and then see that yall are no good for each other,. <br />
P.S. i lover your hair :)

I did this myself, a very similar situation, and it ended badly. This isn't to say that every relationship under these circumstances will, I don't really know to be honest. The relationship was constantly over and then we'd be back together again, violent, verbally abusive, when things ended for brief periods there was promiscuity, drinking/drugs, Huge trust issues and paranoia. We couldn't be independent away from each other, I stopped studying and working at numerous jobs and she stopped turning up to lessons and studying. We couldn't be together and we couldn't be apart. We are both bisexual and Everyone was a threat. Constant jealousy and thinking that the other one was manipulating and lying to the other which screwed with our heads even more. Among plenty of other negative aspects, there were periods when things would be a lot calmer obviously but it's hard to remember why we stayed together a long as we did.. Oh yea because we're both bpd. I'd recommend to be careful.

You know, it may sound "crazy" or strange to others, but I wonder what is harder, being with someone WITHOUT mental disorders or being with those with them. <br />
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So far, I have been with one person with a mental disorder similar to mine and several others without. None of them worked for me but these were during the days that I was severely self-destructing, psychotic, and abusing drugs. Depends on the time too. <br />
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Now, i am with my husband who has had drug addiction in the past, but not depression, bipolar, and so on. It is hard for him sometimes because of the things I have done to him but who is to say it will get better or worse. Time will tell.

thank you all for your advise

It CAN work, but it depends on how patient you both are. I am with someone who is also a bit borderline, but we are both mid 30s, and able to be very kind to one another when we make mistakes or resort to ameature dramatics. We know ourselves and our foibles. At the beginning it WAS clingy, but once the trust really built up, we were able to help each other become individuals - little steps with lots of listeing and seeing the others perspective. In the end, if you have the courage and patience, it can be an advantage that this person shares what you call your "craziness" ;) because that means you both have insight into one another. I found it hard to learn to listen, and hard to learn it wasnt all about me, but we have been together for nearly 3 years now (living together for just under 2) and it is the most wonderful relationship I have ever had. I wish you luck and patience. Be comitted to making it work and to listening to one another and you can do it.

to me, it just sounds like a powderkeg waiting for a match. crazy + crazy = more crazy. you'll likely end up hurting each other...<br />
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or you could cling to each like drowning people on a life raft. until you get to the part where you cross the black/white thinking line and hate his guts. or he hates you. either way, you need to walk carefully.<br />
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good luck.

It would be a challenge, but yeah, I think so. I was in a relationship with a woman for a year and a half who was almost as much of a headcase as I am. She was totally emotionally across the board, very passive aggressive, and made everything a way bigger deal than it really was. In the end, it didn't work, but I think it could have if circumstances had been different.<br />
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We stayed together as long as we did because, despite certain unhealthy aspects of our relationship, we were also very good for each other. Each of us learned things from the other, and when we fought we were able to look back and remember that things had been hard before, but that we'd managed to work through it, and that we'd had so many wonderful times together.