Help Me

Dear all,

Im 23 and have not been clinically diagnisod with BDP although through my own searching answers to my erratic thought processes and behaviours I am leaning towards this being the case.

I am currently in a relationship and have been with her for the last 18 months. Although now im terrified of losing it. Any thing that I do wrong or any argument we have I feel she will turn around and end things. She tells me she is not going to and then gets annoyed with me for always thinking the worst. Thats my problem, I think the worst about everything. I take everything so personally and it is pushing her away more and more everyday. She often takes trip to her mums, and I instantly feel that she is going to get away from me, she is leaving me because she does not want to be with me anymore and shes seeing someone else!! It does my head in. If she is going out with friends drinking and clubbing I feel like she is going to meet the man of her dreams and kiss them or even more. Drunkenly kiss a stranger on a night out because im so messed up and drive her mad at home. I feel so worthless sometimes. I feel however that she offers very little in support and fails to put my mind at ease and sometime ignites it even further as if on purpose. But that could be my own selfish thoughts.

I have a history of self harm although its not a thing I do very often. I was diagnosed six months ago with anxiety with depression and am currently taking anti-depressents. Although they have improved my anxiety attacks they have not touched the surface of my irrational thoughts that seriously make me so sad. Im so fed up of my paranoia and fear of my girlfriend leaving me. She also gets annoyed with me for taking things the wrong way. Comments like I dont want to kiss you come to me as the ultimate rejection. I feel so empty sometimes, im so insecure and hyper sensitive that its just normal.

Can anyone offer any advice on calming my thoughts about things, especially jealous thoughts and fears of being left by my partner??

Am I mad and just a bunny boiler or control freak??

OntheBorder OntheBorder
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 12, 2010

Hi YankeeBob.<br />
<br />
Thank you for you help with this. Can you tell me a little more about the cognitive Behavioural Therapy Programme. What is it that I need to do. I am very interested in doing this.<br />
<br />
As far as close male friends, I dont really have any. I am very close to my brother although I do not see him much anymore and we have never had a relationship where sit and talk about anything 'serious.' <br />
<br />
Do you feel that it is important for me to have a male therapist rather than a female. If so why is that? (This is no ob<x>jection to the idea, just wondering your thoughts behind it). Also about having a male mentor, where do I find someone willng to help me learn more about relationships?<br />
<br />
There is no history of addiction in my family.<br />
<br />
Thanks again for you reply. I await to hear from you again soon

I can totally understand that. I am in both sides of ur situation. I have several mental problems and extreme paranoia. I wont let my husband out of my sight bc i am afarid he will die or leave or run from me. i follow him everywhere and i know it damages our relationship but i feels like a life or death situation everytime he even walks out the room. but i also know what its like to be with someone with a mental problem as well. he is bipolar and he has rage issues and it can be exhausting. but i love him and i understand and i do my best to be patient and not take things he says so to heart. seek help tell ur doctor about any change. meds are trial and error eventually u will find something that really helps.

YankeeBob Im really serious about learning new mental habbits and turning my life around. I cant be like this anymore

I was labeled that and I did a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy course and I did'nt think I would get much from it but you know,I learn't so much about why I react the way I do at times and "Traffic Lights"=STOP-THINK+then ACT/SPEAK instead of ACT<THINK+then STOP! LM X