I Hate This

I just want this to go away this illness I have and maybe just maybe people wouldn't look down on me.Or maybe they would.Sometimes I cant look at myself in the mirror.I hate what i have become.This monster.No friends or family that care.I'm Angelina and this is how I feel today, and usually its everyday.I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder.I also suffer from major depression and anxiety, especially around crowds.I cant be in a store to long without freaking out inside.When i'm depressed i hide my feelings.Sometimes I have to keep to myself and can't even type without getting anxious.I feel at times the world hates me.There are times I hate myself. In the past i tried killing myself numerous of times, and cut my left arm.why? good question.i dont know why?  i was feeling a lone maybe? i have two kids! why would i do something so selfish? bringing it up and seeing my scars depresses me everyday.makes matters even worse.what if i hit an artery when i cut my arm? i had to have 4 stitches.the scar is ugly just like me.

angelina
sexymama42985 sexymama42985
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

I feel for you , you have alot to cope with , I just want to let you know that you are not alone I have borderline traits and anxiety . I have my days , some are better then others , I can understand how you feel the world hates you , its that they dont understand you , I can get that way too . What you need is empathy so I agree with carpediemrichie comment try to connect with other s who have the same health problems as yourself . Wish you the best of luck and hope you get better and that life can be abit more ejoyable for you .

hi I can totally related to you l have borderline personality too! its a very sad and painful place to be l can identify with the self hate thing. i have a child too and l often feel so guilty and selfish but we have to remegber we did not ask for any of this. I have been in treatment for almost two years DBT sometimes l can feel no different and my life circumstamce seem to have got worse but do you know wht you are still trying and we have to take each day each minute each second as it comes and remember we are doing are best good luck l understand you pain

hi there. im a new member here. i have borderline personality disorder too. just like you i sometimes hate myself. but through the help of family and friends, i was able to overcome that feeling. i still feel that sometimes but not that much for me to hurt myself. i understand what you're going through. i hope we can chat sometime. you just need to strengthen your support system. and try to do cognitive behavioral therapy. start to make friends. make use of this site. i can be one of them. :) we can support each other. you are not alone. carpe diem.

You know what sweetie, I don't hate you. I am you. I is a little slice of hell that we are living and yoi are so not alone