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Do I Have Borderline Personality Disorder?

I have recently been researching how to cope with some of the things in life that I find difficult and came across a description of Borderline Personality Disorder, and I identify with many of the traits. Maybe someone who has it can tell me if it is likely I have the disorder...

I cut myself with razors and cut my skin with nail clippers
I have a previous diagnosis of Anorexia and Bulimia
I have problems with binge eating, I steal food
I am very socially self-conscious, I sometimes feel anxious and detached in social situations and feel as though I have to get away
I tend to do and say things without thinking
I have fallen out with many friends and can't understand why I keep having arguments with them
I can be manipulative of others, I often lead guys on
I am not prepared to get into relationship with a guys as I am afraid of becoming attached and being left, so I have been single for four years
In past relationships I have often been unsure,felt intensely in love but also afraid of my boyfriend dying, but then gone through periods of detachment
I have always been very attached to my home and find it difficult to live away from home
Since I was a kid I would be very frightened if I was left on my own
I'm afraid of people I love dying and have "worst case scenario# thoughts
I cannot stand being on my own but I sometimes find it difficult to be around people, so I don't know what to do with myself and I feel frustrated
I have feelings of hopelessness and I am very anxious about my future

I know I sound like a horrible person but I've genuinely tried to work on some of these things that I do and I mainly do them because I'm afraid and I feel very insecure. I also don't want to assume that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are bad in anyway also. I feel guilty and badly adjusted, I'm embarrassed and my mum has described me as helpless. I cannot cope with stress and feel very upset when others are stressed too. Maybe someone out there can help me figure myself out, I would really appreciate it.

RemarkablySparkly RemarkablySparkly 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 16, 2012

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I find BPD incredibly annoying... Its so ambiguous, do i have it? i dont know. I asked my doctor to look into it. He referred me to a pysch assistant. Frankly i know more about the inner workings of my mind than someone who has literally just stopped wetting the bed..

Do i cut myself, no. But i think about it alot. Right Now in fact... I dont understand whether i should or shouldn't, and its not about feeling good. Its simply this persistent idea that never goes away... What do i do with that.

Eating. Actually im healthy, but i eat because im bored. and could quite easily not eat if i found something else to occupy my time.

Im a mildly talented photographer, i just finished this big shoot.. 250people, set up a stand alone ecommerce system that means people can buy pictures yadeyadeya. I should be proud, but i truly believe that people will buy my photos just to make me not feel bad.

Its funny you mention stress. Stress is the one thing i do well. I dont get stressed. Ever.
My mum died, i cleaned up the paperwork so everyone else could cry... I was 25000 in debt.... No Big Deal... Maybe its an oddity of the mind. Who knows..

So do i have BPD.. Im not Sure, Maybe its Bipolar, Maybe Its ADHD, Maybe its a intelligent mind fighting against the limitations of a poor education. Truth be told, i think all of these are manageable i think you just need to we all need to find our respective triggers... Me Its stability, any massives changes everything goes crap... I havent got out of bed in two days.

Any Way you shouldnt listen to me, im just as screwed up as the next person... And all the people who are in the queue behind him... But thanks For your post, it meant something to me.

Pete.

Hi Pete,

Thanks for sharing your story with me. It makes me feel less alone. I heard that no two people with BPD are the same and they can have a combination of different traits. The diagnosis seems very elusive.

What you said about things changing, I identify with that completely. I couldn't cope with any changes in my environment, like leaving school, starting university, moving house, leaving home, going abroad, people moving away, family members moving back home. I feel like I lose everything that I'm sure of and my identity every time and I am at a loss at what to do with these changes and how to find my feet again.

It's weird I suppose and also coincidental that I have an interest in photography. I'm sure your work is very good if you have that many people at it!

Jem

Hmmm... Alone is something i have alot of... My friend has put me in a position where im obligated to sever our friendship, tbh honest if his anatomy had been ever so slightly more... Not X and more Y (Think that's the right way round) id of married him... (I Hasten to add my lack of homosexuality at this point) we just got on with each other well... However. I cant talk to him any more and i actually am more sad about him figuratively dying and my mum actually dying...

However i have some positives for you...

I do hope you are improving if you have a eating disorder, but you cant argue against the fiscal benefits of having a eating disorder in a recession... I cant imagine how poor id be if i was fat.

would you like to see some of my pictures?